I cheated. With multiple women over a period of time.
Last summer she found out, by checking my phone after becoming suspicious. After about a week we decided to try to make things work, which included a lot of evenings spent answering her questions. Stupidly I was only partially honest in the answers I gave, and she always had the feeling that there was more that I wasn't telling her. We went to couples counselling during this time, and I also had solo therapy for depression, which had been a contributing factor to my cheating.
About 2 months ago she discovered evidence of what I'd been hiding from her, and she threw me out.
We still see a lot of each other, as we both seem to want to remain friends, even if the marriage can't be salvaged, and we have 2 small children, whose lives I very much intend to remain part of. I've stayed some nights at their house, mostly at the weekend, and always at her suggestion, and although it's often felt awkward for one or both of us, I think we both get some comfort from the time together.
She's been using SI since she found out, tonight is my first visit.
I still want to fix the mess I've made, and it feels like part of her does too, but the big problem is trust. Obviously her trust in me has been shattered, not once, but twice, so that she's got no reason to believe that anything I tell her is the truth. This isn't helped by the fact that my own memories of a lot of the circumstances surrounding the affairs are fuzzy at best, were so even when it first came to light, so I can't always answer the questions she's asked. There have even been occasions when I've told her one thing, believing it to be the truth, when she's got evidence that it's not.
So what can I do? How can I pro-actively help her?