Last night, I told my husband about all my infidelities throughout our marriage. There have been five men, two of whom I had a full-blown EA/PA with, and the other three I had a PA with (one I started to have sex with but stopped, and the other two I didn't have sex with but there was sexual behaviour). He knows all but one of the people involved, and two he considered friends. He is understandably very hurt and upset.
We have been together for nearly 15 years and married for nearly 10. The first time was over 7 years ago, and the last time was over 4 years ago. I told him about one of them at the time. One of the EAs came out a few weeks ago, and the rest last night.
I guess I should also say that eight weeks ago I found out my husband was having a PA (which he stopped as soon as I discovered it). After daily admissions (TT), we realised after a week that he is a SA (sex addict). There have been prostitutes (before we were married and after), pornography, adult chat sites, and meeting up with people for sex. He has never had an EA (although he had ongoing contact with some of them). He has been in therapy since and has been attending SA meetings.
I am deeply deeply ashamed of my behaviour. I desperately want our relationship to work and he does (did?), too. I've started with a new therapist, and we have had one MC session together. We have more booked in, but not until May.
I used the usual justifications for not telling previously - that I would hurt him, that it would be awkward knowing it was friends, that they were my issues to deal with and not his - but basically I was a coward and didn't want to face up to it. I thought it would feel better now that it's all out there (that wasn't a motivation for telling) but I just feel hideous. I have only just realised that there must have been periods of huge disconnection in our marriage. That is not an excuse, but I just wish I'd seen it at the time and had the courage to confront him rather than turning outward to find emotional intimacy.
Thanks for reading my story. Any advice or feedback is welcome.