((((karissa))))
First and foremost I'm so sorry your are here. Second, I know this sounds like an oxymoron but I'm glad you found us. I wanted to take your original post step by step so please bear with me.
Although things are going pretty well between us, better than for many years, I remain devastated and am wondering how I can trust him again.
This is very normal and the not so pretty answer is that you won't trust him again for a very long time. Your life (or the one you thought you had) has come crashing down around you. That's a horrible shock for anyone to endure. When you put young kids into the mix, it's even worse because now you're not only having to deal with your pain and hurt, but also the fear of abandonment for them. It takes on average between 2-5 years to recover from infidelity. You can't rush the process in any way so please don't try as it will only cause you additional suffering and pain.
better than for many years
I broke this part of your sentence out because you need to understand a few things at this stage. I'm assuming (and may be completely wrong) that by "better" you also mean intimacy. There is a phenomenon in infidelity that is known as HB (Hysterical Bonding). Basically it's a period of hyper sexuality between the BS & WS that can happen at any time, but mostly does from 1-6 months out from d-day. HB can last anywhere from 1 week to a year depending on the couple and their circumstances. I just wanted you to be aware of it. BTW, should you want more info on HB, you can find it here:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ10
How can I feel safe when the person who is suppose to be closest to me could betray me so badly?
Again I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings but the truth is you won't feel safe until you begin to heal. Again, that can take from 2-5 years. The reason is that your safety net was shredded when your WH decided to cheat. Additionally he did that for 5-1/2 years which is known here as an LTA (Long Term Affair). LTA's are a special breed of infidelity and brings with it all sorts of additional hurtles for the BS to climb before they can heal. Hate to say it, but it will most likely be a long time before you feel completely safe with him again. BTW, there is a special forum here on SI specifically for LTA's. You can find it here:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=488582
I am just so, so hurt and angry. I am over 6 months inot this (192 days). Am I crazy to keep that exact of an account of the passage of time?
This is very normal, especially being that you're only 6 months out. That may seem like a long time but it isn't. More so because you really haven't had a support system (like SI) to understand better what is going on in your head. There is also something called the dreaded 6 month anger stage that almost all BS's go through. This means that you're anger may subside for a time after discovery, only to return (sometimes more aggressively) in 6 months. The bottom line is that you will experience a roller coaster of emotions as your brain works its way through this mess. Just try and hang on without falling off when this happens.
Therapist says that all questions should only be asked in his presence to keep arguments from escalating. That made me feel stymied, especially since we sometimes can only get to counseling once per month.
I am not a therapist, nor do I delude myself into thinking I know what they do. This however seems a little excessive to me. It places you in the untenable position of waiting in limbo between MC sessions. Please consider getting yourself into IC in addition to your MC. IC can be a God Send to you in bridging the gap between therapies.
Last but not least, please spend some time reading through the "Healing Library" here on SI. It can be found in the yellow box on the left side of every page here. The library has excellent materials to help you understand what is going on in your life right now. Additionally, please keep coming back and post often. You can never post too much here and there will always be someone willing and able to answer questions or just listen. Feel free to vent, rant, cry, scream etc... Trust me when I say that we've unfortunately heard it all.
Hang in there... You WILL survive this and it WILL get better with time.
((((karissa))))
[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 7:27 PM, April 17th (Wednesday)]