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HURTAGAIN1981 posted 4/17/2013 19:42 PM

If you went to your boyfriends flat that he had recently moved into with a mate (male), and you saw a cardboard box with no lid at the side of his bed with a few of his things in and then an open pack of sanitary towels with maybe one or two missing thrown on top of the open box, what would you do? How would you bring it up without it being in an accusatory manner?

It's starting to make me feel sick that something is going on again.

Theradin posted 4/17/2013 20:00 PM

I'm not really sure how to respond to this, seeing as I'm not sure what the purpose of sanitary towels would be, in terms of a sexual manner? If I ran into a cardboard box of sanitary towels with my WW, I wouldn't think she is f*cking other dudes again. I would think she is trying to clean her hands and/or body with...I guess, sanitary towels? On the other hand, if it was a cardboard box full of condoms or date-rape drugs, then I would be a little bit more suspicious.

Presuming you are decently close to your boyfriend, you could, well, ask him why he has so many sanitation products next to his bed. Odds are, if that's all it is, he may just very well be a, well, sanitary person. I can't imagine if he was f*cking around on you it would involve sanitary wipes (unless it's a fetish?)..

Just my $0.02...

HURTAGAIN1981 posted 4/17/2013 20:03 PM

Sorry, I meant sanitary towels as in what women use when they get their period.

Tearsoflove posted 4/17/2013 22:15 PM

I'd certainly be suspicious if a guy I knew lived on his own had sanitary napkins in his bedroom. I mean, they are pretty absorbent so he might have an explanation but it is definitely up there on my cheating radar for a few reasons:

1. Most of the guys I know are embarrassed to buy them in the store. So, most of them would think of something else that would work and there are quite a lot of things that would do as good a job or better than a sanitary napkin. The guys I know don't even like buying them for their wives and daughters.

2. They are in his bedroom. That's odd to me. If say a sister or female friend stayed over and forgot them, they would be in the bathroom somewhere. Most people don't change their pads in the bedroom.

3. They were in a box of his things.

The only thing that takes anything away from the oddness of the situation is that he didn't cover them up or try to hide them from you. Either he didn't realize they were there or didn't think it was odd that they were there.

gonnabe2016 posted 4/17/2013 22:33 PM

Did you show up unexpectedly?
Huh. I don't know why I even asked that because it's completely irrelevant.

The fact that your BF has sanitary pads in his *guys only* domain is either whack or an indication of an intimate knowledge of someone.

I am in my mid-forties and I have NEVER encountered a male that doesn't *squirm* over *girl stuff*. Never.

The last word of your post was *Again*. So why are you so reluctant to be *accusatory*?

Pick that box up, shake it in his face, and say "WTF???"

Or just break up with the cheating douche.....

HURTAGAIN1981 posted 4/18/2013 06:28 AM

Thanks all for your replies.

I did have a quick scan with my eyes to see if there was anything else that looked suspicious but couldn't see anything. I find it weird that a whole packet would be there and not just one or two if he had indeed had someone over that he shouldn't have.

One possible explanation I have is that when he lived at home and was going through one of his drawers there were tampons in there from a previous relationship. I thought that might be the case with these but it seems unlikely that he would bring them with him. plus they were right on top and looked like they had been used and just thrown there out of the way.

Also he went out with mates on Sat night. Said they have "bumped into two girls from work whilst out and were sat with them for a bit". Not sure if I believe that but he said they were pathetic and crying and arguing over tampons so he had a bad night. Now I am wondering if he maybe brought one of them back. I don't want to just to conclusions here though.

Diva0702 posted 4/18/2013 06:42 AM

If your subconscious has alerted you to a situation that raises questions about what you found, then you need to answer your gut feelings and ask your boyfriend why he has women's sanitary products beside his bed in his room.

Whether he considers the question you ask as an accusation or not is not the issue, and if he does, then he must have something to hide.

Simply ask him why they were there. The WAY he responds will tell you what you need to know, and the rest is then up to you.

Good luck

libertyrocks posted 4/18/2013 10:28 AM

Heck yeah! I would ask any question that popped into my mind! eff being polite. He put you there in that suspicious place first. That's just me. I'm kinda ballsey these days...No more demure nice girl.

Nature_Girl posted 4/18/2013 10:38 AM

The last word of your post was *Again*. So why are you so reluctant to be *accusatory*?

Pick that box up, shake it in his face, and say "WTF???"

Do this ^^^^^^.

Edith posted 4/18/2013 10:54 AM

I agree with what NatureGirl said, since ritual torture is illegal.

E.

Bigger posted 4/18/2013 11:22 AM

So this is the same guy that you posted about that was into abusive semi-violent sex, face-fu****g, golden showers, whore-clothes, vomiting and but-plugs?

The same guy that was into dating sites?

The same guy that wanted to pay for your boob job?

Honey – Why are you concerned over a box of sanitary napkins?
You should be concerned over YOU.
Get out.
Now.

Think of it this way:
After this long a relationship you are still not confident enough to simply point at the box and ask him “honey – what are those for?”
Is this REALLY what you want?

Themusicdied posted 4/18/2013 14:44 PM

(((hurtagain1981)))

I just read back through your initial posts from November. All four pages.

If this is indeed the same BF that you asked for advice about then, just go back and read that advice again.

And then listen to it. You can find someone so much better than this guy.

ButterflyWings posted 4/18/2013 16:55 PM

Think of it this way:
After this long a relationship you are still not confident enough to simply point at the box and ask him “honey – what are those for?”
Is this REALLY what you want?

This!!! If I went to my WH's apartment while we were dating and I saw a box of feminine products beside his bed and I knew for a FACT they weren't mine, I'd ask immediately why he has them.


The last word of your post was *Again*. So why are you so reluctant to be *accusatory*?

This as well. I'm wondering why you are hesitant to confront him with this. Are you afraid that you're overreacting? Or are you afraid of what he'll say? If this is the same guy from your posts back in November I would reread the advice you were given and run for the hills. JMHO....no disrespect.

heforgotme posted 4/19/2013 04:41 AM

Ask him why they were there. And turn your bullshit meter on full blast before you do, bc he will probably lie.

I can think of no reasonable explanation for this.

HURTAGAIN1981 posted 4/22/2013 10:31 AM

Thank you all.

It is the same guy. I asked him, basically he said that they were his friends who stayed over after a night out rather than paying to get a taxi. He couldn't remember what night it was. So I did some digging, turns out it was the night he didn't message me at all and told me that the reason was he was tired from working an 18 hour shift which is a complete lie. Also found out last night from his flat mate that he had a friend (a girl) over on Thursday night. I also found a woman's scarf in his room last night which was hers. Flat mate told me she stayed over too and that both times he slept on the sofa. But on Thursday I asked to see him that night and he said he would be too tired after work.

He left before me this morning so I took the scarf with me when I left. I am going to see him tonight to 'talk' which will probably be the last time. I don't know how to deal with this.

My mother is also ill with cancer which she is having chemotherapy and radiotherapy for. I haven't eaten in 2 days and just don't know where to turn or what to do.

[This message edited by HURTAGAIN1981 at 10:32 AM, April 22nd (Monday)]

DrivingPast posted 4/22/2013 12:28 PM

Most people dont carry around a box of pads when they go out drinking. I dont buy that taxi story.

Im sorry for everything you are going through. Thinking of you and your mother. (((((hurt))))

confused615 posted 4/22/2013 12:30 PM

^^THIS!

WTH carries around a box of pads when they go out for the evening?

His flat mate is lying. He's covering for his buddy.

Phoenix1 posted 4/22/2013 12:42 PM

Get away from this loser. He is lying to you and cheating on you.

My mother is also ill with cancer which she is having chemotherapy and radiotherapy for.

My mother was fighting cancer and eventually died from it. My POS was having an A during the entire time. The fact that I was an emotion mess from dealing with that did not phase him one bit. Get out of your toxic relationship while you can, and focus on your mother and yourself right now. Those should be your priorities.

tushnurse posted 4/22/2013 12:44 PM

Seriously Honey you need to get out of this Toxic relationship NOW. He has zero respect for you, that is obvious in the few posts you have made. No Man is worth being treated like an object, and then made to feel bad because they have to care for an ill parent.

Break Ties and run. You should be focusing on yourself, and your mom. She needs you now more than she ever has or will.

He does not love you, plain and simple. He's a weirdo sexually, and clearly narccissistic. GET OUT NOW. I'm not judging but he is showing you who he is, see it.

((((and strength ))))

HURTAGAIN1981 posted 4/22/2013 12:53 PM

Thank you all. I know I need to get rid of him. Just terrified of having to deal with break up on top of everything else. I know it all looks bad and it probably is what he is doing but I feel I need some kind of proof in black and white so I am going to see if I can get an opportunity to look at his phone. To add, I found his own phone number written on a piece of paper in his coat pocket, though that was odd too, maybe so he can give it with ease when he goes out?

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