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livebythesea posted 4/18/2013 09:24 AM

Not sure if this is the right forum to say this ... I just have to let you all know that I have inquired this morning about a polygraph test which I am going to offer to my H. He tells me he has had only 1 ONS back in 2007, and swears to God that it was a mistake and that is the only time since we have been married that he cheated on me. Like I have been telling you guys, my instincts tell me otherwise. Well, were gonna find out. I am going to bring this subject up with him. And were gonna find out if he is lying or not. Obviously, if he freaks out, and does not want to participate, I got my answer right.

If he agrees to take the polygraph, it will only take place the first week of June. He is away working until June 8th!

Jrazz posted 4/18/2013 09:56 AM

I've heard good things about the polygraph route. Not that they all achieve the desired result... some WS's will lie and think they can somehow beat the test.

I know several couples personally who went through with it and revealed that the WS had in fact told the complete truth. It can be a source of great relief to the BS if this is the case... no more wondering.

I hope he agrees and I hope it goes well.

lieshurt posted 4/18/2013 10:00 AM

Just fyi...sometimes the WS will throw out a last minute confession thinking the BS will then cancel the test because they've now told the "entire truth". If this happens, don't cancel. Proceed with the test because there is typically more info they haven't disclosed.

Pass posted 4/18/2013 12:04 PM

Don't give him advance notice about the test. Let him know while you're on your way there. There is a lot of information on the web about how to beat polygraphs.

I don't know how well any of it works, but just don't give him a chance to do the research and it won't matter how good it is.

livebythesea posted 4/18/2013 14:03 PM

I approached my H today via text about the polygraph test. I was very very sincere with my words, told him we needed these secrets out so we may heal. He does not want to go, he has not said "no" in so many words, but he is working around the word. Does that not say everything. If a man has nothing more to add to his infidelity, why would he not agree to take a simple test. It hurts, hurts even more that he still won't do what is necessary to make this right. On the other hand, I am digging for shit. I know, the more I know, the more it will hurt. But, I can't stop myself, I just need to know the whole f.... truth. And, trust me, I will get to the bottom of this. And I will keep you all informed.

Why, the most powerful act in this universe "Love" can crush a soul. If not tended to?

Jrazz posted 4/18/2013 23:58 PM

Something I learned through this process is that WE have the real control over what we let affect us. I know it sounds crazy, but the more you fortify yourself from within and love yourself, the less weighed down we are by others' behavior.

Back to the poly - if he's balking it's because he's still hiding something. Plain and simple. Just let him know that you know.

(((livebythesea)))

heforgotme posted 4/19/2013 06:19 AM

Does that not say everything

Yep. It pretty much does.

RockyMtn posted 4/19/2013 09:41 AM

Just fyi...sometimes the WS will throw out a last minute confession thinking the BS will then cancel the test because they've now told the "entire truth". If this happens, don't cancel. Proceed with the test because there is typically more info they haven't disclosed.

True that. My WH even said he did this. Shit, we still haven't scheduled the poly. We will, but he told me he used this tactic during a week of TT back in January. Figured if he agreed to it and even called the poly guy himself to inquire about cost, scheduling, etc. that I'd back out because I'd see he was "totally OK with doing the poly." He even suggested the poly himself (not me) as some sort of reverse psych. Gotta get on this myself and get there.

He also admitted to researching how to trick the poly.

The only thing I will say is that if I was asked to take a poly about something I was telling 100% truth about - it would still scare me. Its the unknown. Its knowing that one machine could decide my fate. That's a lot of eggs in one basket, KWIM? So even an honest WS might get nervous. I think that's acceptable.

What if he wont' do it? How much are you going to push? Be careful not to issue ultimatums that you can't follow through on. But if you're really serious about this, I'd schedule it and haul his ass there. If he refuses, kick him out. If you can handle that outcome...

confused615 posted 4/19/2013 12:14 PM

Tell him it's a poly or no R. You can not R unless you know exactly what he has done.

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