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Spinning180 (original poster new member #37705) posted at 3:25 PM on Thursday, April 18th, 2013
It has been 4 months since DDay. I am having a lot of triggers and am finding it difficult to me intimate with my WS. He has been very open with me. I am just having a really difficult time the past few weeks. Is this normal?
Me: 32 WS: 30
Married 5.5 years together for 7
Dday: 12/2/12
A: 2.5 years
DD: 4
DS: 1.5
DS: still baking
hopefulmother ( member #38790) posted at 3:49 PM on Thursday, April 18th, 2013
Yes...I am at 7months. I remember 4 months as really crazy and about that time, I had difficulty even saying "I love you back." It is hard to be intimate with someone you don't trust or can't console you because they caused the pain. Hang in there as long as he is treating you well.
Me-BW 44
WH-44 zugzwang
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends since 1993
Married 2004 with 2 children
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.
Spinning180 (original poster new member #37705) posted at 5:47 PM on Thursday, April 18th, 2013
It helps knowing other people are experiencing the same things I am. I would never wish this pain on someone but talking about it does help.
He has been nothing but supportive. We have a NC in place. She has tries contacting him and he shows me everything, I save it and then we delete it from his phone. No replies. But you are right it is hard to be intimate with someone you don't trust completely.
Me: 32 WS: 30
Married 5.5 years together for 7
Dday: 12/2/12
A: 2.5 years
DD: 4
DS: 1.5
DS: still baking
hopefulmother ( member #38790) posted at 7:28 PM on Thursday, April 18th, 2013
I noticed you were together for 7 yrs. Sounds like your H had the standard 7yr itch A like mine. Although we had been together for 12yrs, we were going into our 8yr anniversary. His was an EA with a cashier he supervised. He too is R and has NC. Triggers are the worst and will most likely get harder as the anger sets in.
Me-BW 44
WH-44 zugzwang
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends since 1993
Married 2004 with 2 children
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.
heforgotme ( member #38391) posted at 1:16 PM on Friday, April 19th, 2013
Don't feel obligated to be intimate if you don't feel like it. It's perfectly understandable.
D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:03 PM on Friday, April 19th, 2013
Yes this is normal, and you don't need to pressure yourself about it.
I found that when I had this at about the 4-6 month mark in R I was having mind movies, and comparing myself to AP when we were. It ruined sex for a while, then I realized, I had to make it about me. He had to focus on me. I told him this, and he did his best to make sure he was doing everthing he could to keep me focused on the sensations and pleasure while having intercourse. It worked. Of course it turned "making Love" in just plain old Sex. But after we would hug snuggle and be content together.
I am not saying to do this, just giving you my experience of what helped me through this.
((((and strength)))))
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
Spinning180 (original poster new member #37705) posted at 2:10 PM on Friday, April 19th, 2013
We talked about it last night. He said that he doesn't want me to feel pressured. He said the last thing he wants is to put anymore stress or worry on me. I am putting the pressure on myself. I need to give myself time and space.
Me: 32 WS: 30
Married 5.5 years together for 7
Dday: 12/2/12
A: 2.5 years
DD: 4
DS: 1.5
DS: still baking
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