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What type of A is this?

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Lastnfinalchance posted 4/18/2013 12:15 PM

My HB and i have been married 9 yrs. I first caugh him via cell phone bill back in July of 2009, with 2 females he was talking to on the phone. I caught one but he confessed about the second one. So long story short, i forgave him because it was the very first time and people make mistakes. Only to find out that 3 mos down the line, he was texting the same female thinking i wouldnt figure it out because it wasnt a call on the phone bill. But of course he went to sleep, and left his phone out and when it buzzed, i picked it up and and saw the text and confronted him immediately.

Again we went through the whole nine yards. "im sorry, i'll never do it agian, i was stupid, i love u, ect. Now it's been 3 years later and he's caugh again. This time, i check my phone bill back through last year and he has been talking to several woman, atleast 7 that i can count. So we are back where we left of 3 yrs ago because of his infidelity. Now that it came out, i can put two and two together on a lot of things and it's all adding up now. The porn he used to watch, the turning the ringer off on his cell, the constant need to have the cell, ect. Is my HB addicted to sex? from all the evidence i have so far, i can only prove that he spoke with them going by the times of the calls. Mostly while at work, and some at home (while im there :( how the hell does that happen? how am i so blind? why didnt i see it and i was right there? What type of cheater is he? how do you label this one?

He's contacting several woman, not just one imparticular. But judging by his call patterns, he does fancy certain ones over others.

[This message edited by Lastnfinalchance at 12:22 PM, April 18th (Thursday)]

Lastnfinalchance posted 4/18/2013 12:24 PM

Oh and i did by a phone tracking system that im going to download tonight. I have a very strong feeling im going to be very sick tomorrow :(

confused615 posted 4/18/2013 12:28 PM

Im sorry. He sounds like a serial cheater.

With this many OW,the chances of him having hooked up sexually with someone is sky high. Please get tested for STD's.

Im so sorry you're here,but so glad you found us.

((((LFC))))

libertyrocks posted 4/18/2013 12:28 PM

ME too! I think how stupid and blind I was. But, I was pregnant, twice, and taking care of his babies. That's why I didn't notice.

WH would go down the line calling these young women seeing which one wanted to hang out. It started with him telling me he had a ONS with a co-worker to 8 OW in 3 years! One a serious year long girlfriend. I'm still waiting to hear more, as I think there's more I don't know yet. He swears it's always the "whole" story. But, I've heard this 5 times already.

I'm guessing my WH is a sex addict/narcissistic/ I know he's an alcoholic and a compulsive liar. NOT a good combination...
So, I'd say SA, sex addict.

Lastnfinalchance posted 4/18/2013 12:31 PM

But even after all the this, he still claims that he's only spoken to them on the phone and had no physical contact with any of them. I will find out tonight when i hack his phone with my new phone tracker. I'll keep you guys posted.

Edith posted 4/18/2013 12:33 PM

Dear Last,

how do you label this one?

I would label him soon to be single. I'm so sorry for your pain.

E.

confused615 posted 4/18/2013 12:36 PM

Cheaters lie. ALOT. They will usually deny it until they can't...and some will even deny it when there is solid evidence.

TT(trickle truth) is very,very common. They tell you a little at a time,because they dont want to have to deal with the consequences. Mine claimed to be a changed man for 2.5 years...and he put on a helluva show. Until 2.5 years after dday1..when he told me about another PA/AP that took place a few months prior to dday.


They lie.

Put a keylogger on his computer too...and a VAR(voice activated recorder) hidden in his car.

Getting to Happy posted 4/18/2013 13:39 PM

Cheaters cheat and they lie.

I would label him soon to be single...
OUCH!

This is what comes from 'rugsweeping'. If the betrayal is not dealt with and boundaries are not set firmly in place with the first discovery, this kind of slippery behavior is bound to continue.

Both of you should read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. It is great to read together. You will get a grasp of what is really happening and he will see how his 'innocent freindship' are anything but!

All passwords, all accounts like bank, cc's and internet email should be given willingly.

Transparency and honesty are the watchwords.

Also. he needs to understand that he and his phone whores are creating a breech your marriage. So if he starts to fuss about his 'privacy' or some such, just remind him that he is causing the problem by trying to act single and have secrets with strangers.

Please don't tell him about your sluthing or this site... yet...you may have to be in stealth mode for a while to find out the truth of these nasty matters!

You have a right to know what is going on in your own life. At the very least insist upon that!

((((Lastnfinalchance))))


[This message edited by Getting to Happy at 1:41 PM, April 18th (Thursday)]

heforgotme posted 4/19/2013 05:09 AM

It sounds like the first incident was rugswept and he took that as a green light to do it again. Which is not your fault...you were extending kindness. Unfortunately, in the selfish mindset of a cheater, this can be construed as weakness.

You could do some investigating and try to find out more or you could just confront. What you've seen so far is certainly bad enough. It depends on how badly you want the whole story, since once he knows you know it will be harder to investigate.

But whether you decide to confront now or later, I would take a very hard line with him. You forgave him once and he was so grateful that he did it again. Grrr.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted.

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