Hi Liberty!
It's me, h0pe4ul, again. :)
Yes, I've been in IC since I found out. He went once because I drove him there 5 months ago when I found out about first OW. He actually started going again yesterday and will again today.
If I'm not mistaken, I think I read in a separate thread of yours that your WH is a recovering alcoholic?
When I read that line in your post, I have to ask if your WH is getting AA treatment because of you or because of himself?
Is he R because of you or because he truly is sorry and wants to be with you and save his family?
I ask these questions because I know that when dealing with loved ones or friends of alcoholics/addicts, we can take on co-dependent behaviors and try to fix our loved ones. I am the daughter of former alcoholics. Thus, I know this from experience all to well.
When dealing with someone with an addiction, it seems like we have a need to take care of everything bc since they are so out of control, we "have" to be the ones to keep everything in control, even their out of control lives, although we just can't!
Your WH seems to have SO many issues to work through on his own and it seems like you really don't want to stick it out bc of having to deal with your own pain.
I can't tell you what to do or not in regards to staying or not..this is a personal decision only you can make. However, whatever you decide, you have the absolute right to choose what YOU want to do and not have to justify it.
Your WH could have been with so many women bc of his addictions (doesn't make the pain or betrayal less)....and may truly want to have a better life with you but just may not know how.
However, until your WH truly desires to be alcohol free and free of sleeping around so much, not much is going to change...you can try to save the marriage but you may find yourself in that codependent state of trying to keep everything together bc of his addictions when in reality, you are going to drive yourself crazy and he just feel like you are the one who will hold everything together, even him, bc he may feel enabled to keep doing what he is doing by you trying to keep everything under control.
Until he really gets help for his own self, he will be no good to you or your children.
I will never tell anyone to give up on anyone that they love (family or not). However, sometimes, you do need some space to work on you while they work their own issues themselves....and then once he is truly stable enough to commit to you and your children, then, you guys can work on R.
I am truly sorry for all that you are going through and pray that you will get the peace you need to make the decisions that only you can truly make!
(((BIG HUG)))