If you are going to get married, I would suggest that you make sure you really have the full complete story, that NC is well and truly established and that you hear from him why he wants to marry you. What difference does he thing marriage will make to your relationship. Has he now established proper boundaries with other women that you are happy with?
I feel that I am doing all the work now that I should have done before marriage and that they first few months of marriage have been fake.. Now that I demand NC, I feel as if I am imposing conditions after the marriage, which we should have agreed before.
I will say that I do not regret marrying him....however I *DO* regret that our strategy after the first instance was to completely rugsweep it. He never had to fix his poor coping mechanisms that he fell back on during times of relationship stress.
If your WF is owning what he did, remorseful, not rugsweeping....then in your place I'd certainly consider it. Especially if you already have 2 little ones together, and therefore can't make a completely "clean" break anyway. I'd say it's worth a shot, it can definitely be done, but only if you're confident he has the right attitude, and you might also want to make sure you're protected legally as much as you can (pre-nup, etc.).
My 1st marriage ended because of ex-h's multiple As. I entered a 2nd relationship still recovering from my divorce. He was also recovering from D caused by her A. Between the two of us, we have 6 kids. It take a lot of love and understanding!
A few months after we moved in together, he became very distant and left me alone with the kids almost all of the time. It didn't take me long to know something wasn't right. But, given both of our pasts, I just never thought it would be an A. He confessed. We tried R but after a few months, he moved out. It devastated not only me but the kids too. We spent a year apart. We never spoke. My father died and I contacted him. There was more drama somewhere in there but finally, we made it through.
Now, May 5th will be our 1 year anniversary. He is the love of my life. It hasnít been an easy road but nothing worthwhile ever really is easy.
i wish i were in your shoes....and had that choice.