So who said I needed to know this?? I can't get it out of my head..
So tired...want to sleep, but there is no sleep here..
He tells me I'm the reason he didn't go through with it. Goody for me. Aren't I so lucky...
Never thought it was that bad, what an idiot I am. Blindingly trusting. fool fool fool
Please love me again he say's...HOW?? Y????
What now?? What do I do with this information now? Go over it again and again and again. Everytime taking a little more of me
Fresh and gaping wounds to the heart render us incapable of making rational decisions at the time of discovery, so please be gentle with yourself at this time, and although sleep is difficult, resting the body is vital.
If you are unable to eat right now, just take in plenty of fluid. Your body is in shock.
Your feelings are perfectly valid, and you are far from a fool sweet. You are not in ANY WAY responsible for your WS behaviour.
As hard as it feels at the moment, try to give yourself a little distance, as though you were looking at things from the window of a cafe. My Mummy was a wise and remarkable woman, who always told me, 'If you don't know what to do right now, don't do anything until you do'.
Your psychological and physiological state are both on hyper alert, and this is VERY intense.
If it is possible to talk with a close friend, or go for a walk, then this might offer some immediate relief until you feel able to at least sit for a moment.
If you have questions then right them down and either ask your partner outright or give him the list with the opportunity to choose two or three to answer to begin with.
My heart is filled with sympathy for your obvious pain and anguish, and my thoughts are with you.
Remember, this f'd-up thinking has nothing to do with you. It's what his warped mind came up with, to continue the lurve "contact high." Just like he was smoking a joint, then started to come down, and needed another one to be OK again.
Space. Detatchment. Being kind to youself and not being pressured to make any decisions right now. That's where you need to try to get your mind. Watch his actions. What he says is in no way as important as the actions that he shows you now and in the future. I'm glad that you're talking but is he getting you a timeline so you can go thru it in your own time? That might be helpful to you. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
But honestly, IF he is remorseful and willing to do the work, you WILL get better, little bits at a time. It won't always be so bad. I don't know where you are as far as R, but know these two things: 1) If he does the work it will get better. 2) Nothing says you have to stay if you can't live with what he's done. Okay, three things: You don't have to decide #2 right now.
We were all trusting - it's what spouses do. It's not you fault he didn't honor you and his committment.
Ya he's trying pretty hard, and I know he wishes it had never happened...but it did
Good analogy Skan about the joint...it makes sense to me..
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet