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Calling the other BS - where do you start?

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numb13 posted 4/19/2013 10:36 AM

How did you start the phone call/conversation when telling the other BS and how much info did you share? I want to make 1 call, inform her of what her husband did, offer some evidence then end it without having to exchange numbers, contact again, continue it. Any advice welcome!

confused615 posted 4/19/2013 10:49 AM

Call her directly,. tell her gently..be kind. Avoid talking negatively about her WH...her instinct will be to defend him..and she may not believe you. Tell her you have solid evidence if she wants to see it.

I think it would be a good idea to exchange numbers. She may find evidence that you haven't found...and it might give you a better idea as to what has happened...she may have pics/emails you don't know about. Also,her WH will lie to her,try to gaslight her,etc. She may need to contact you for clarification on some things. When you call she will go into shock..and may have trouble hearing everything you have to say.

Im not saying contact should go on indefinitely,but a few calls back and forth would be appropriate.

Don't tell your WW that you're going to do...she may warn the OM,and he will tell his wife that you're running around accusing everyone your wife knows of having an affair with you,etc.

numb13 posted 4/19/2013 10:57 AM

My wife supports my decision to tell and has (allegedly) had NC for 3 months. I don't want to exchange numbers as I don't want calls, I want to tell and move on

confused615 posted 4/19/2013 11:45 AM

Ok..will you be able to email her the evidence then? If so,then call,be nice,tell her the basic fact..when the A started,how long it went on,when and how it ended,what kind of A it was,how they met,etc,etc. If you aren't going to exchange numbers,then you will need to give her as much info as possible during that call...and offer to email or mail her the evidence.

confused615 posted 4/19/2013 11:47 AM

I just read a few of your past posts. His BW deserves to know your wife is a coworker. She needs to know that her WH goes off to work every day and his AP is there.

Also,in your very first post you classified the A as an EA. There was kissing involved,so many people would consider that a PA. So when you talk to his BW,make sure to tell her it was emotional with some physical.

stillsad1970 posted 4/19/2013 12:14 PM

I told my WH that I was calling her BS. He told his OW that I was and that when I said something I would do it. I didn't have to call him the OW told him herself. Don't know what became of it but I had no intention of calling. I feel fabulous I didn't say anything, I wasn't being a homewrecker,no blood on my hands. I didn't stoop to their shitty level. Not my job to hurt an innocent man.

KeepCalm_CarryOn posted 4/19/2013 12:30 PM

Call, tell the facts. Offer to send or email the evidence. Try not to bash anyone- stick to facts.

T/j: Stillsad- telling the OBS isn't "getting blood on your hands" or "stooping to their level", it's creating a place of truth and honesty. Bringing the truth to light. No matter what we as the BS are not "homewreckers" or "hurting" anyone- the WS did that all on their own.

confused615 posted 4/19/2013 14:33 PM

-stillsad...why do you think the OW told her BH? if it's because she said she did..or because your WH said she did..they are both liars..so why believe them?

Telling is the right thing to do..it doesn't make you a homewrecker...you're giving the truth to an innocent man about his life..and his marriage. The WS's are the homewreckers.

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