I messd up bad today. Did a big wayword thing my BS pointed out. She points out alout i do. I wish i saw it for my self. oK hears what happind. My BS askd me today if i was thought i was used as i used them and if batherd me. I sed im sure i was and no it did not bather me. Only bathers me what i did. Then BS sed you do know the AP will try and finde you when they down cuss you where easy. An then askd what ide do. An thats when i was wayword. I sed ide tell them i am working on fixing my relationship to please leave me alone. Rid flag pionted out on that. Mad my BS fear i wouldnt protect her when came diwn to it. Cuss I gave to mutch info and to manny words. An sed please. I sed trying to work on relationship. Dumb thing cuss that would leave it open to come. Back and check latter.i sed please to and shouldnt be being polite to one who helpd me wreck all was good.
So i ask this. Whats best thing to sey and do if confrunted by AP or anyone els that trys to get me to cross them gray areas? I love my BS verry mutch. She means everything to me and need to protect her from everything bad. Including me.
[This message edited by Strawda at 3:56 PM, April 19th (Friday)]
There are some options for you. If you see the AP before they speak to you, then you can turn around and leave with no words exchanged. If the AP is persistent, then the FU line works. Add to that, "do not contact me ever again. If you do, I will get a restraining order against you."
If the AP surprises you and you have no opportunity to get away, then you can say "get the hell away from me and never talk to or contact me or my BS again."
If others push the boundary, then you can let them know that you are M and you will be telling your BS what has transpired. End of story.
Really though, what do you think you should be saying? It's up to you. You words.
As far as saying please...you're still pretty close to d-day, so your BS is going to be more sensitive to anything that can be construed as you being polite to the AP or any other people who cross the boundaries you have in place.
Why would AP confront you? Is this a person you have to be in contact with because of circumstances?
Perhaps I can offer a slightly different take. Maybe don't think of your AP as anyone different than any other woman out there (besides your spouse, by the way, just to be clear). And treat her how you would any woman approaching you and hitting on you (I'm inferring from your post that it is in-person, not by email/txt/etc.?).
With a healthy boundary with yourself, you can simply say, "thank you, that is nice, but I'm married and not interested". I think saying things like "Fuck off" are a bit elementary (initially, at least), and can serve as a disservice for you if you are a sensitive person. If, however, the woman keeps approaching you, contacting you, etc., after you made it very clear that you do not desire such contact, then you can escalate up to and including saying, "Fuck off". Because at that point, the woman is simply disrespecting you and your marriage (not to mention herself, but that's an entirely different story and thread!).
Remember, we are all human, and all sexual. It's perfectly normal to be hit on. Everyone likes it when someone says something flattering to them. It's what you choose to do with that action that matters. It's perfectly healthy to simply thank the person (especially if they have no idea you are married, let's say) and tell them that you are married and NOT interested. Do NOT say things like, "sorry, I can't, I'm married". That sounds as though you WOULD do something if it weren't for that darn stinkin' wife back at home!
Remember, how you say something can be MUCH more powerful and meaningful than WHAT you say.
Hope that helps!
