Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: lostsoul8008 (61557)

User Topic: Telling off other sex when confronted
♂ 38766
Member # 38766
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Telling people off to protect BS from me....

I messd up bad today. Did a big wayword thing my BS pointed out. She points out alout i do. I wish i saw it for my self. oK hears what happind. My BS askd me today if i was thought i was used as i used them and if batherd me. I sed im sure i was and no it did not bather me. Only bathers me what i did. Then BS sed you do know the AP will try and finde you when they down cuss you where easy. An then askd what ide do. An thats when i was wayword. I sed ide tell them i am working on fixing my relationship to please leave me alone. Rid flag pionted out on that. Mad my BS fear i wouldnt protect her when came diwn to it. Cuss I gave to mutch info and to manny words. An sed please. I sed trying to work on relationship. Dumb thing cuss that would leave it open to come. Back and check latter.i sed please to and shouldnt be being polite to one who helpd
me wreck all was good.

So i ask this. Whats best thing to sey and do if confrunted by AP or anyone els that trys to get me to cross them gray areas? I love my BS verry mutch. She means everything to me and need to protect her from everything bad. Including me.

[This message edited by Strawda at 3:56 PM, April 19th (Friday)]

27male 1kid, Lost 6year relationship(Wanting to Reconsile with BS)

Posts: 51 | Registered: Mar 2013
♂ 26859
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well..."fuck off" works in a pinch.

There are some options for you. If you see the AP before they speak to you, then you can turn around and leave with no words exchanged. If the AP is persistent, then the FU line works. Add to that, "do not contact me ever again. If you do, I will get a restraining order against you."

If the AP surprises you and you have no opportunity to get away, then you can say "get the hell away from me and never talk to or contact me or my BS again."

If others push the boundary, then you can let them know that you are M and you will be telling your BS what has transpired. End of story.

Really though, what do you think you should be saying? It's up to you. You words.

As far as saying're still pretty close to d-day, so your BS is going to be more sensitive to anything that can be construed as you being polite to the AP or any other people who cross the boundaries you have in place.

WH - 46 (crap...)
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6114 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Tri-Cities
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A good idea when confronted by AP is crickets (don't say anything---ignore, walk away, etc.).

Why would AP confront you? Is this a person you have to be in contact with because of circumstances?

"If you want to know who your tribe is, speak your truth, then see who sticks around. Those are the people who get a spot in your blanket fort." -Nanea Hoffman

Posts: 55123 | Registered: Sep 2007
♂ 38518
Member # 38518
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS here.

Perhaps I can offer a slightly different take. Maybe don't think of your AP as anyone different than any other woman out there (besides your spouse, by the way, just to be clear). And treat her how you would any woman approaching you and hitting on you (I'm inferring from your post that it is in-person, not by email/txt/etc.?).

With a healthy boundary with yourself, you can simply say, "thank you, that is nice, but I'm married and not interested". I think saying things like "Fuck off" are a bit elementary (initially, at least), and can serve as a disservice for you if you are a sensitive person. If, however, the woman keeps approaching you, contacting you, etc., after you made it very clear that you do not desire such contact, then you can escalate up to and including saying, "Fuck off". Because at that point, the woman is simply disrespecting you and your marriage (not to mention herself, but that's an entirely different story and thread!).

Remember, we are all human, and all sexual. It's perfectly normal to be hit on. Everyone likes it when someone says something flattering to them. It's what you choose to do with that action that matters. It's perfectly healthy to simply thank the person (especially if they have no idea you are married, let's say) and tell them that you are married and NOT interested. Do NOT say things like, "sorry, I can't, I'm married". That sounds as though you WOULD do something if it weren't for that darn stinkin' wife back at home!

Remember, how you say something can be MUCH more powerful and meaningful than WHAT you say.

Hope that helps!

BH (me): 35
WW: 34
1 kid (7 y/o)
multiple affairs spanning our entire 11-year marriage
multiple d-days over the last 3 years (most recently: 1/3/2016)
divorced and finally released from this prison: 2/26/2016

Posts: 199 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ 38391
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH is hoping to never see her again, but if he does his first plan is to walk away without a word. If that for some reason is not possible and she tries to talk to him, he plans to say "We have nothing to say to each other".

D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1162 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
♂ 38766
Member # 38766
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some good advise for me ty, I prob give a narly look and walk off best I can, If I don't the seying we have nothing to sey sounds good, an if try speek to me again I prob sey fuck off get the hint now lol, I would never sey TY to someone for seying something flatering to me. I am sorry but I am a wayword and That's how starts is thanking people and talking, An as a wayword seying your married don't matter. cuss most waywords are married an still mess around. So Ide never sey ty cuss to me that is crossing that gray line and opening the door. But ty for ideas.

27male 1kid, Lost 6year relationship(Wanting to Reconsile with BS)

Posts: 51 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 6

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.