Welcome! I'm so sorry you are going though this and find yourself here. While this may sound like an oxymoron, I’m glad you are here. Please know you are not alone and also that you've found a great support system to help you through this mess.
I'm going to try and be as gentle as possible here but please try and follow along with me as this is a critical time for you right now, both physically and mentally.
Again gently... try to stop obsessing over the "whys" concerning what your SO is doing or saying right now. I know that is easier said than done but the hard facts are that you can't control him or what he "is" doing now, short of shackling him to your bedpost. Additionally, from what you've said, his attitude screams that he could be potentially violent right now. For all those reasons you must detach from him and begin to protect and take of you and your son right now. Please try and follow the steps below. Thet are things we ALL had to do in the beginning:
1. First & foremost... understand that This Is Not Your Fault... ANY of It. Also, please read the "Healing Library" (yellow box, top left of every page). There is lots of info there to help you understand what you’re going through.
2. Please realize that you are in a state of shock. For that reason it is imperative to take good care of YOU and your body now. Try to drink lots of fluids (preferably water... no booze!). Eat small meals and if your tummy is too upset for that, just eat chips and chocolate as they are easy to get down and also do have some nutritional value. Exercise as much as you can, even if it's just walking around the block. Try and get as much sleep as you can. I know this is hard... but you must try.
3. Do not make any big decisions right now. Being that you are in shock, your not thinking straight and there will be time down the road for those.
4. Schedule an appointment with your doctor and ask for meds to help you sleep, and for anxiety if need be. Do not feel ashamed or guilty for doing this as most of us here had to in the beginning.
5. Try and refrain from arguing with your SO right now. You are too raw for that in your present state of mind. Focus instead on getting yourself on solid ground both mentally and physically first. Again, there will be ample time down the road for discussions with SO.
6. Come back and post here often. We are a kindred tribe of individuals who are going, or have gone through what you are now. And… we are here to offer our support to others. So post as much as you want and don’t ever feel like it’s too much. I know I wore my fingers to the bone here in the beginning. When do you post, don’t be embarrassed to vent, rant, cuss, cry, scream… whatever. Trust me when I say we’ve heard it all. The main thing is for you to get it out to someone who understands and we’re here to listen and help if we can.
That's enough on your plate right now. Except to tell you that you CAN and WILL survive this. We’ll be here for you when you need us.
[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 11:32 PM, April 19th (Friday)]