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Needmywings posted 4/19/2013 21:54 PM

Ok here goes nothing Im new to all this and will try to get my story out. My H and I lived together for five years and we have been married for 20. We have an dd and three lovely gr kids. We come from the same hometown and our famlies still live there. Our marriage has not been without some ups and downs. He has an chronic illness kidney disease. We have not had an intimate relationship in five years. He says it is because he has self esteem issues because of his weight issue. I have tried to get him to go to consuling and he will for 4-5 session and then quit going. I have been in counsuling for almost an year now.Then a couple of days after Christmas I came home unexpectedly after an day trip out of trip with an girlfriend of mine.I got there right after he left for work, he works nights. It looked like my cousin was parked in my driveway so my friend and I pulled up on the side of the street. i get out saying my cousin's name but halfway there i realize she is not my cousin. She is starting her car and backing out, she says she is just an friend. I turn back to my friend thinking this woman is not my friend. I start to go find out who she is and she is the the street and going around the block. My friend and I sit there for while trying to figure out what just happened . But the woman had to have stopped around the block cuz my friend caught up to her when she left. When i brought it up to my H said it must have been someone turning arounnd. Which we thought of that but she was starting her car when we pulled up. Well, this got me susipcious. So i started lookking at our phone records and the was no strange phone calls. My counselor told that i could a list of the text messages just like the phone calls i didn't know this. When I did I found several from our hometown. And through my own reseach I have found out it is his high school sweetheart he is texting. At least three days a week anywhere from two -twenty texts a day. The phone company only keeps 3 months of records at a time. So I have them from Nov. to the present. He texted her on our anniversary, Holidays, Valentine's day, the night our dd was in an serious car accident. He doesn't know that I know all of this. I have an axiety disorder and have been too scared to get my driver's license ever. So with counseling I'm trying to get on my feet. I don't know what my future holds. I don't know if he is having an PA or an EA. But I do know our relationship is not the way I want it. He dosen't let me look at his phone, the home screen is locked. His laptop went to work with him a couple years ago and never returned home. Even when mine was broke and had to be sent off for a couple weeks. I have had suscipions in the past and brought them to him but he would get angry and says that he would never do anything like that to me. For the last four months this has been tearing me up. I have been going through depression, neausous every time i think about it. Any advice would b great and it does help to see how others r dealing and coping with things.

dameia posted 4/20/2013 00:06 AM

Hi needmywings,

First let me say that I'm very sorry you have to be here, but I'm very glad you found us. There are a lot of people here who will give you great advice and support.

If you look in the corner of the screen you will find the Healing Library. I suggest you start reading there, as it has a ton of information.

Secondly, I would hold off on confronting your WH until you have discovered more information. Make copies of everything you have and put it in a safe place your WH can't access.

Start digging as much as you can. Keyloggers are great for computers, and if you think he is meeting the OW in your home (or his car) you can get VAR's (voice activated recorders). This will help you get more info on what exactly you are dealing with.

Good luck, this is not an easy journey, but we are here for you.

LonelyBH posted 4/20/2013 00:31 AM

I'm sorry, but it does sound like your H is hiding something from you. I'm not 2 months since finding out about my WS multiple PA's. She used her phone only to contact/find, but had the screen locked just as your H does. I agree with holding off on confrontation, unless you have some concrete 'he cant deny it' evidence he will lie lie lie.

The healing library does have a lot of great information. Reading others posts and experiences is helpful to me sometimes as well.

If he uses a smartphone look up spy software for iPhone/android, it does cost money, but it works(other than gps). Install it while he is sleeping and you can see everything he texts and receives, all calls, pictures, and browser history on your computer within an hour of it happening.

Needmywings posted 4/20/2013 10:39 AM

Ty that is good advice I have to figure how to unlock his home screen.