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Newest Member: Sadlymistaken (61548)

User Topic: don't know what to do
♀ 39046
Member # 39046
Frustrated  Posted: 11:39 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just found out on Wedneday that my husband of almost 8 years has been cheating on me with a co worker for the last two weeks. He hasn't loved me for a while. We have two small kids and an acreage. We are liquidating assets to pay off debt and meanwhile he is living here. I told him he can't go out an see her while he is living here and he agreed. He was out in the barn with his dad earlier who was going to talk some sense into him. His dad left three hours ago and he has left at some point as well. I don't know where he is and I am furious. I could call and scream, but will that help anything if we may be looking to reconcile. Not sure what the best course of action is and don't know what to do.


Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nebraska
♂ 34195
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Welcome! I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Please know you are not alone and also that you've found a great support system to help you through this.

Not sure what the best course of action is and don't know what to do.

OK, gently here... your best course of action... is NO action at all. Do not call and holler, scream, beg or plead. The hard truth is that it will fall on deaf ears and will only upset (hurt) you more.

Try and get some sleep and reaccess things in the morning. If you can't sleep, try reading the "Healing Library" - Yellow box top left of every page. It has great info to help you understand what your feeling and dealing with.


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 926 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Omahahurt.

I'm so sorry that this is happening, but you are NOT alone. We are here for you. Your H is chasing a glittery imaginary unicorn, and as much as it hurts you have to remember that this isn't a reflection on you OR your marriage OR what kind of love you deserve, it's him and his brokenness. Please do read up in the healing library.

I really recommend you looking into the 180 as well. Giving him all these concessions while still living with you is just going to make him cake eat as much as he can. Try to find your inner strength to calmly and firmly demand the respect you deserve.

You can get through this. The weekends are a little quieter here but you have a lot of people ready to hear you and help.

Big hugs.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ 38886
Member # 38886
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry for your pain.

Do the 180.

Out them both at work. They need to accept the consequences for THEIR actions.

Take care of yourself. He's a dirt bag.

Posts: 106 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Disengage. Let him find out what living as a single person with children means. Only communicate with him concerning child care and set up a schedule so that he IS taking care of your children 1/2 of the time. Leave, if you have to, so he cannot assume that during his child care time, you will be there to back him up. Don't cook for him, no laundry, no picking up after him, nothing. He's an adult he can take care of himself. Since he is trying to fire you as his wife, then let him experience what that means.

Monday, unfortunately, you are going to have to make an appointment with a doctor, or go to a clinic, and have a full STD/HIV screen run. You cannot accept his word that they practiced safe sex you have to assume that they did not because 99.999999% of them don't and then lie about it. It goes to say that there should be no sexual contact with him until he does the same and then shows you the doctor's report because, well, he's a liar and you can't trust what he says. I know that this is just horrible, but we've all had to do the same, and no one has ever reported back that they were the first people to have to do this in their doctor's office. Unfortunately, the doctors deal with this all of the time.

Come back often for support. We're here for you. (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10078 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 5

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