Think about it--she's a woman who not only sleeps with married men, but a woman who cheats on her husband. You're not.
She's a woman who doesn't seem to care much about other people. You aren't.
It doesn't matter what she looks like, how she acts, what her job is, whatever. YOU are the bigger, better woman, and your husband is the broken one.
PM me if you need to. I get it. It hurts like death, but it does get better. It's early days for you.
DDay #1: June 9, 2012
Dday #2 (TT): November 29, 2012
DDay #3 (The BIG one, ALL the TT): March 30, 2013
False R: June 12, 2012 - March 21, 2013
REAL R: March 21, 2013 - present
She's different. She's new. She's "perfect" in his eyes. But just wait. The glow brought on by stupidity will fade and the ugliness will be apparent. You are better than both of them so keep your chin held high.
Your priority right now is yourself and your kids. Get your ducks in a row. Stay strong and remember that no matter what happens you will always be the better person.
Does her husband know about the affair? The best way to end an affair is to expose it. DO NOT tell your husband if you decide to tell her husband.
So they were not together on Wednesday and Thursday nights but last night? Friday night? Was it that OW was able to have a valid excuse to sneak out on her husband last night?
Think about exposing them..this might just blow up in their faces.
He already told his boss, or so he claims.
I doubt that. He is saying this to negate the effect it'll cause at work.
My exW said the same thing "everyone knows in the office".
He is scared and thats why he said that.
Is OW prepared to leave her husband?
And to answer the original question, no, she is not better. He is in the fog. Wait till the bills and kids come around.
[This message edited by Happydays at 2:17 PM, April 20th (Saturday)]
From what I understand, you have two small children, own joint property, and your husband wants to file against you for divorce because he wants to be with the woman he has been committing adultery with.
Great. On Monday, make an appointment with a divorce attorney. Keep any evidence of his affair documented, including texts emails etc to you. My advice is to be sure you get as much CS and alimony as possible. Also, don't be so fast to sell the house to pay off debt. How do you know the house isn't yours and the debt isn't his? Let a judge decide. Get an attorney get an attorney get an attorney. Your heart will hurt no matter what, don't add financial stress to it.
But MOST importantly - what Absolut said - PROTECT YOU AND YOUR BABIES FIRST AND FOREMOST!!!
See a lawyer...protect your assets, get child support - you can even have stipulated that each party can't have over night guests during visitation until remarriage...
ANY way you can inject reality into their fantasy...I told H that he and his junkie whore would have to be drug tested weekly in order to have visitation - junkie whore said - NO WAY! Fuck those kids...who needs them? Whoa! Reality shocked H into NC immediately...(there was more reality than that - his family calling to share their disappointment for one...)
I'm sorry - this must be an awful shock for you - which is why you need a lawyer to guide you through this!
Take care of yourself. I'm all for exposure...the quickest way to stop an affair.
1. This is not about the OW. She does not have some marvelous magnetic power. She is an adulterous train wreck, whether your WH is can see that or not.
2. This is not about you. You could look like a supermodel, cook like Julia Child, and be a porn star in bed, and he still would have cheated.
3. This is about him. A broken, emotionally stunted man who could have done any one of a million things to improve himself and his marriage. Instead, he turned his back on his marriage vows and opened up to another woman. He did that because there's something wrong inside him, not because of external factors (not her, not you, not the marriage).
Got a weird feeling about this. I think maybe based on the casino comment, tied in with the speed of him wanting to liquidate. Do you know how much debt you are in?
See a lawyer NOW!
[This message edited by 5454real at 11:25 PM, April 20th (Saturday)]
My WH's AP was an ugly (inside and out), impulsive drug addict who lost custody of her kids. What an upgrade!
Tell EVERYONE! F*ck his feelings! It's not about him anymore. The affair was *all* about him but not a damn thing you do from this point forward needs to be about him unless he gets his head out of his butt and you BOTH agree to try to reconcile.
He wants it to be a secret because everyone knowing that he is an awful person doesn't fit well with the fantasy world he created in his mind.
She is selfish and regardless of what she looks like her soul is UGLY.
Who tears apart two families to serve their own selfish interests? Their no responsibility fantasy land.
It's BS and it will implode. Their "relationship" is built on lies and that cannot be sustained. Eventually the rose color glasses will come off and they will see each other for what they are...liars and cheaters. How can they trust each other knowing what they've done to their current spouses?
Pick yourself up as hard as it is and be strong for your kids. Get legal advice ASAP. Freeze accounts, whatever you need to do to protect yourself.
It's heartbreaking as we all know but right now I implore you to get pissed off that this is happening. Get mad so you can take action.
Look up the 180 and try and start to do some of these things immediately.
Do not wait around and be his OPTION.
Sorry, reading your post makes me so mad/sad for you.
When a person make the concious choice to cheat it is not about what they weren't getting...it is about what they weren't giving.
I know it is new, I know it hurts like hell but take the power back.
Keep moving. We all are here.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 4:51 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]
Please read and re-read this: SHE IS NOT BETTER THAN YOU. You are the MOTHER of his children. You are an honest, loving person who has morals.
She is a c***face who f**** married men. Classy. These AP are so broken and pathetic it makes me sick.
He has his head up his ass. Yes, everything is so great right now - wait until they are together in the REAL world. What kind of life could they possibly have? Everyone will know they cheated on their spouses. They will always look over their shoulders wondering who will cheat first.
I am so sorry for your pain. It does get easier with time. Please try to take care of yourself and keep your head up.