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HelpMe123 posted 4/20/2013 09:45 AM

I am not certain but I think its a pretty good guess that my partner's online/phone affair just turned into a PA. He said he was going to a casino yesterday around 3 pm to play poker but he never came home and it's now 11 am. Today is our son's birthday party to top it all off. I really just want to disappear. God this hurts so bad.
OMG he keeps texting me asking if I need anything for the party!!!!! I told to please stay away!!!! I just want to die :(

[This message edited by HelpMe123 at 10:35 AM, April 20th (Saturday)]

HardenMyHeart posted 4/20/2013 09:48 AM

(((HelpMe123))) So sorry for the pain you are going through.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 9:48 AM, April 20th (Saturday)]

Jrazz posted 4/20/2013 10:03 AM

I'm so sorry HelpMe123. My heart aches for you.

Believe me when I tell you that there will come a point where your pain diminishes and what's left is clarity and disdain for what he's done to you.

Take care of yourself and your son and just try to breathe today. Do what you can in small steps, and come here anytime you need to vent or ask questions.

Remember - you did nothing to deserve this. This isn't your fault, and you are going to be ok. I know it doesn't feel like it now but it's true. That's why so many of us stayed, to tell you that you're going to be ok because we are ok now.

Sending you hugs and strength.

(((Helpme123)))

k94ever posted 4/20/2013 10:11 AM

Blatent disrespect.

I'm sorry.

Whatever else you do....DON'T BEG.

You deserve better than this.

{{{{hugs}}}}

k9

daledge posted 4/20/2013 10:12 AM

How horrible! How very horrible that he would do this on the eve of your son's birthday.

Make today a special day for your son. Then blast your dirt bag husband into another dimension - but do it tomorrow!

callmecrazy posted 4/20/2013 11:06 AM

I found text messages on my WH phone 3 hrs before our son's 1st birthday party. I told him text her and end it right that second or he could start calling his family and explaining his absense because he sure as hell wasnt going to the party I put together. It worked that day, but that was it. Hes been back at it w her (in appropriate ways now though )
Dont let him suck you into games. Sex or no sex he has just SERIOUSLY disrespected you. DO NOT STAND FOR IT. Protect yourself.

HUGS...pull out the fake smile and get through, I know its hard.

5454real posted 4/20/2013 11:12 AM

FTG

Just

FTG

Strength to you and prayers

agreensleeve posted 4/20/2013 11:20 AM

OMG he keeps texting me asking if I need anything for the party!!!!!

Tell him you don't need anything, but OUR son needs a dad who isn't a scum bag that cheats and f..ks around because your not sure what kind of paper to wrap a lying cheating fucking bastard of a dad gift with.

Wishing your son a Happy Birthday and wishing you a special day as well.

Theradin posted 4/21/2013 16:41 PM

I am terribly sorry for the pain and anguish you are going through right now. It must be even THAT much worse to know your child is being deprived of a parent in an emotional and physical way. Though, honestly, the last thing you or your son need right now is a cheating spouse/parent coming around and wrecking what should be a beautiful birthday for your 3 year old..!

Although not the exact situation, mine is somewhat similar. My WW left me and my son for a few days to go with a female friend of hers to a 'wine tasting' event only 2 hours away from home. It turns out, she never went there, and instead, flew to another state to be with her AP, and never told me. I ended up almost having a medical emergency during this time, and tried to contact her, but her phone was 'turned off'. To know that she was completely 'gone' in another state and we had no way of finding her should something happen, in terms of an emergency, is a LOT to deal with, especially with a child. It just goes to show how a WS is just simply NOT THINKING about anyone but themselves when they are in the midst of an A.

I know it's probably very hard to think of this EA turning into a PA, but hey, one way to look of it is that at least you know, and you can't get any worse once you have the whole A package (EA & PA). So it's only up from here. But it all lies within you to do what feels right for you and your son. Don't do anything that you don't feel in your heart is right for you or your child. You and your child should be priority #1.

Be strong and take care! Hopefully it is only UP from here for you! Regardless, we BS' on SI are all here for you. Come here whenever you need to or want to for support. Sadly, we've all 'been there'.

Ashland13 posted 4/21/2013 17:15 PM

I'm really sorry. We had the same thing happen when my daughter's birthday came in November. STBXH was nowhere to be seen, was in another state living at OW's. He knew very well what day it was but put himself first. That's some of the hardest parts to forgive and its that pain that propels me forward and towards letting go.

For some reason, STBXH bringts things like groceries sometimes or does house projects and it is great pain and blow to my pride to see this. I don't ask for anything at all and put up with broken things in order to avoid asking. Lots of times he just does something without asking if I want him too and that bothers me, too.

Do you think he asked about things for the party because he felt guilty? Or wanted to have some attention and yur thanks when he got there? Another thought is that it takes attention away from what he's actually doing and maybe he thinks you can't think of him as such a bad guy.

My STBXH said a few weeks ago: "why do you think I answer your texts or help at the house? It's because I'm not a monster". I don't know if any of that helps.