I felt like that too. STBXH was my bff, my confidant,we cared for each other when we were sick and so on. We had a world of our own for a long while.
It is part of my shock in the face of pure and absolute abandonment because he was really my sole support system and he created that-I know that I also let it happen and that wasn't right, but how to know the future?
One of the hard parts seems to be in the dawn of realizing that our H or W was off thinking something else while we were being M, BFF, still having the feelings and doing all the right things. Yet in the dark, WS are off doing who knows what.
I tend to tell myself that he did feel the same for a long while and there are people who confirm it who were close to us as a couple. I could not face knowing the last 20 years was a lie and I think only the last year and a half were.
In my mind, the idea of making your spouse your BF is kind of like attatching your emotions together and making a connection that way.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.