(can't believe I posted advice on the other thread about SO's exs, I know nothing!)
Ok, I lost it yesterday. At least not in front of my SO.
I've mentioned before that my SO's ex inserted herself into a lot of the family stuff during SO's father funeral in Dec. It was odd but fits w her personality. Everything went back to normal quickly. Well my SO's mother passed last week and in the couple of weeks at the hospital things had started to ramp up. Once again, I ignore it and at least I was prepared this time. One of SO's sisters noticed it again and we had a brief laugh about it and made me feel a lot better.
Well my sweet dog died two days later. I've been w my kids and other dog since. SO and I live an hour apart but my work is closer to his house than mine. SO and his sisters have so much going on and to do and I can't help (never once have I gotten a hint that anyone expects otherwise right now). Well, earlier this week my mom and I were talking and I expressed how I couldn't help and my mom suggested for me to bring flowers for the hanging baskets and planters for SO's parents house as that is where everyone is gathering after the services for lunch. SO's mother went into the hospital in March, so things are pretty barren. I communicated this to SO, we got stuck on hanging baskets because he had to count the hooks on the porch. Well, he tells me yesterday that ex and her mom went over to the house and planted flowers in the planters and other places. I know he didn't remember that I was going to do the whole thing and really it was one of his sisters that assigned her the task but I just lost it. (got off the phone first) I know it isn't just about the stupid flowers, it is my grief for his mom and my dog. And how despite me wanted things to be taken slowly and not having a easy solution for our living together, that is where I want to be. I'm tired of being by myself. I'm tired of being strong and doing everything. Going to Home Depot and having to ask for someone to help load the car and then struggling w my 65# 10 yr old to get things out of the car. I just sat at HD looking at the sod yesterday and just about cried with how big this task is.
I hate how selfish his ex is. I hate how she is making it awkward for SO and his family. His sister had to ask her to not get into the family limo and not to sit with the family at the funeral last time. And I hate how I have to make small talk w her for the next two days when I feel this way.
I hate that I have poison ivy from all my yard work this week and I look like a leper. I thought about going to the doctor yesterday and getting steroids but I couldn't imagine how emotional I'd be then.
At least I was able to sneak out yesterday while kids were at bday parties and get me hair done. My dd said she could count 40 gray hair when she was braiding my hair Friday night. And that my face had wrinkles and I looked like a granny. Nice.
I know SO and I need to talk about these things AFTER these next few days. We will be spending next weekend together, so that is a possibility. But I hate how I have to be strong for my SO and I just don't feel like I can do it
And no, I'm not PMSing but it sure feels that way