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hurtmywife27 posted 4/21/2013 13:15 PM

I know I hurt my wife Bad. I can't say i am sorry enough. I am seeking help and went to church for first time. I just can't seem to get it right sometimes and I dont want to loose her.

KBeguile posted 4/21/2013 14:37 PM

I know you're dealing with a lot right now, hmw, but what you've posted here seems to be intentionally vague and meant as a bait for people to throw you a pity party.

I know I hurt my wife Bad. I can't say i am sorry enough.

What are you doing to show that you're sorry, rather than just saying it?

I am seeking help and went to church for first time.

What kind of 'help'? And what does church have to do with anything? Lots of people who don't sin seek the church as well...

I just can't seem to get it right sometimes and I dont want to loose her.

I don't wish to sound mean or confrontational, but this is something you're going to have to ask of yourself: why is it important to you to 'get it right' now, when you didn't obviously care before? Why don't you want to lose her? Are you still thinking selfishly about your needs (most of your sentences start with 'I' and a few mention 'I' more often than 'my wife'/'her'), rather than hers?

hurtmywife27 posted 4/21/2013 22:37 PM

The reason why I am saying I is that my wife didnt do this I did. Seeking ic problem is we waiting till mid may because of hurricane sandy and all the victims including my wife and me. Church was a big step for me, one they have a support group that will help my wife and me. Plus I was never a big person on religion.
My wife always would kid me and say the roof is going to fall in. Please understand this is not a pity party this is a person that, because of my screw up, we may loose each other and before all this crap happened a few months back. We had each other and yes it may sound selfish after 28 years of being with a person that you love very much. There is a lot of layers and My brain collided and needs to be fixed, comfort for her always, down loaded books, mc when she is ready. All my passwords, phone check and computer at all times. Sorry if I sounded it vague

KBeguile posted 4/22/2013 20:27 PM

No worries. It's just that I know a lot of new WSes tend to give very vague responses and take blanket blame for a lot of unspecific things. I know I did when I first got here, and it took a whole truckload of 2x4s to make me really start to examine the nuts and bolts of what I had done and what I was going to do about it.

I think you should look deeper than "I messed up", "It's all my fault", and other blanket sentiments that vaguely encompass a lot of possible behaviors. You need to look deeper than the obvious "I messed up"s in order to find what kickstarted it all. It's never easy, it's never obvious or simple, but it's always important.

You follow?

BaxtersBFF posted 4/22/2013 21:51 PM

So, what did you think about church? Was it your own idea or is this something your BW wanted you to look at as part of R? Does your BW attend?

hurtmywife27 posted 4/23/2013 16:11 PM

Honestly loved it. My neighbors are church goers, the took us into there hearts, my wife has a problem with church right now and this will be her decision if she would in the future join. It's a freedom church and it was soothing to here a band playing in prayer. They also have a therapist that is very understanding and helpful.

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