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tesla posted 4/21/2013 19:49 PM

Go to pick up Teslet and he's sobbing, "I want to stay at daddy's!" over and over. I know this cry...he's tired and been way over-stimulated.
Disney Dad says to me with this weird apologetic tone, "He's probably had too much excitement."
Yes he has, you stupid fucker...way to prep him for going home. Whatever - I got this, go fuck your stripper whore.

On the way home (40 min drive), Teslet tells me they've spent the day at some kind of indoor amusement park...he's only eaten candy all day...wasn't fed dinner before coming home. Sigh.

Thank goodness he's very good at articulating his feelings (I cannot speak highly enough of play therapy for little guys.). He calmed down and I was able to get across to him that daddy has to work...he can't take him back to the fun place until the next time he visits daddy.

All was well by the time we got home. I am going to be dealing with this for the next 14 fucking years. FTG. My biggest worry in regards to Teslet is that he will choose the impulsive, instant gratification, materialistic path of his father. At least I know that I'm showing him a way to live that is more meaningful.

disillusioned12 posted 4/21/2013 20:06 PM

Your Teslet sounds really intelligent. I bet he will grow up to see right through his father's act for the phoney crap that it is. He will look at you with respect, love, and appreciation for all of the sacrifices you've made.

little turtle posted 4/21/2013 20:20 PM

Ugh. All too familiar. So many times my boys tell me "we didn't get dinner." Usually that means they had a late lunch/early dinner. Which doesn't do me any favors when it's 7pm and they are both hungry, which delays bedtime and we all know how that goes...

nutmegkitty posted 4/21/2013 20:41 PM

Overstimulated + low blood sugar = disaster. Poor kiddo. You did good in handling the situation.

Kajem posted 4/21/2013 20:42 PM

I feel for you... nothing worse the starting the week of being tired and cranky from being overwhelmed at the other parents house. I swore XH/NW sent them back without food on purpose. After things began to look like no dinner was going to be SOP. I started to bring healthy snacks in a cooler in the car. Kid pick up was over an hour away.. I would pack fruit, cold chicken pieces, celery, carrot sticks, etc... basically a picnic type thing so they could get something into their stomach while I was driving. When they got home it was grilled cheese and soup to top them off. Easy and didn't take very long.

Bedtime got put back by 15 to 20 minutes.

Which was ok.

Once XH/NW caught on I was feeding them on the way home.. they started feeding the kids before I got them. I told the kids that the fruit was dessert.

ruinedandbroken posted 4/21/2013 20:59 PM

My biggest worry in regards to Teslet is that he will choose the impulsive, instant gratification, materialistic path of his father.

This is my biggest fear too.

tesla posted 4/21/2013 21:00 PM

Thanks for the ideas, Kajem. I hate having to feed him a full dinner when we get home because than he thinks bedtime is a long time away...you know how it goes. Think I'll give this a try...he'll like the idea of a car picnic.

tryingagain74 posted 4/21/2013 21:08 PM

(((tesla)))

It's so hard to see what they do to our kids.

dmari posted 4/21/2013 21:18 PM

Why? Why would dumbass not feed him dinner? Why would he not get him ready (physically and emotionally) to go home? What would dumbass get out of it? Is he that stupid or does it feed his ego on some level fort teslet to cry "I want to stay at daddy's" in front of you? Aarrgghh! Seriously, I don't get it. Tesla, you handled this situation amazingly! Keep up the good work!!

SBB posted 4/21/2013 21:19 PM

I am going to be dealing with this for the next 14 fucking years. FTG. My biggest worry in regards to Teslet is that he will choose the impulsive, instant gratification, materialistic path of his father. At least I know that I'm showing him a way to live that is more meaningful.

I think we all fear this. I have 16 years to build a strong bond with my girls. They won't care who buys them what it who is permissive about what - they'll remember who spent time with them and who was emotionally present AND a participant in their lives.

Unfortunately the flip side is kids will crave the attention/validation of the distant parent far more than the present parent..

I do worry about having two teenage girls who might think its cool that dad does pot with them or let's them drink/party. monsters mum smoked pot with him from early adulthood and she modelled binge drinking. I still remember how amused they all were at my shock and horror at the pot revelation. WTF? It really is a cycle.

AppleBlossom posted 4/21/2013 21:50 PM

This is a valid fear, but if your children are cared for you in a loving and honest environment, with lots of appropriate parenting going on, believe me, at some point they will work it out themselves.

My ex-husband used to do exactly the same, and when the kids were little, I got lots of "I dont want to go home, its more fun at Daddy's".

Now they are 12, 10 and 5, and they like to go to Dad's for the fun factor, but they have actually said that "Dad is a crap parent". they adore and love him - which is great, but as they get older and the demands of school life and sporting and social events start to require organisation and healthy food and time management, they get it.

Really, just keep doing what you are doing, continue to facilitate contact with them and rejoice secretly and silently the first time they say "Can I just stay home this weekend?".

why2008 posted 4/22/2013 01:45 AM

Wow... I mean WOW!!!! Candy all day, no dinner! Teslet did really well holding himself together after that kind of day.

My biggest worry in regards to Teslet is that he will choose the impulsive, instant gratification, materialistic path of his father. At least I know that I'm showing him a way to live that is more meaningful.

We all do this, forecast the future for our kids but in the end, and I have heard this from multiple sources, kids grow up and TRUST the dependable parent. it will pay off eventually, then you can come back and tell me I am right...

CharlieFoxtrot posted 4/22/2013 07:33 AM

((((tesla and teslet))))

I completely understand. This must be yet another entry in the "How To" playbook of XWS's. I plan to be a little more nutritionally proactive on the way home in the future, as Kajem suggested. I do resent having to be that way, and I think it is utterly ridiculous that things such as bedtime, rest and nutrition are bottom of the totem pole while sugar highs, overstimulation and late nights are standards of living in muppet land.

You are the foundational parent and will set the standard of living for your little teslet, he's a smart little man and he knows where his peace is! He is blessed to have you.

confused51 posted 4/22/2013 12:57 PM

Last time my kids went over to their dad's and skank's she fixed dinner for herself, Ex and her kid and mine had to wait in the other room while they ate. Skank didn't plan on them coming over so she didn't plan on cooking anything for them and she told them this. They ate grilled steaks while my kids waited then afterwards came home to dinner.

why2008 posted 4/22/2013 13:06 PM

t/j

They ate grilled steaks while my kids waited then afterwards came home to dinner.

What a BITCH!

Cabrona posted 4/22/2013 13:22 PM

They ate grilled steaks while my kids waited then afterwards came home to dinner.

Unbelievable. Hope you used it as a teachable moment as to what is impolite.

I would then say, StepWhore probably did not mean to be rude, but maybe she just isn't smart enough to know what to do when you need to accommodate unexpected guests.

What I would have done is:
After the steaks were grilled cut the meat off the bone into nice strips and divided it equally for everyone, and then added an extra starch like potatoes or garlic bread and maybe a salad. Everyone would then have had enough to eat and no one would have had to wait in the living room.

confused51 posted 4/22/2013 13:30 PM

Oh yes I used this as a teaching moment. I told them that they could have shared, waited until they left or fixed something else where there would have been enough for everyone. I told them in the future they will need to avoid going over there anywhere near dinner time if this is how they are going to be.

fallingquickly posted 4/23/2013 01:53 AM

I'm so sorry. I'm also so grateful my children are over 18.

Kajem posted 4/23/2013 05:57 AM

For years I called myself the work-around parent. I would just work around them to meet my kids needs. I resented it in the beginning, but then I got to the point of focusing on what the kids needed and not what the other parent did or didn't do.

I still have pangs of resentment... but a lot less now that the kids are older and more independent.

My kids remember the car snacks as a fun time.... They liked it. I remember HAVING to do it because of XH...

I'm glad they have fond memories of it.. I need to focus on their memories not mine.

Hugs,

K

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