This Topic is Archived
TrustedHer (original poster member #23328) posted at 4:22 AM on Monday, April 22nd, 2013
Posted here because you are my peeps... and it mentions STBX.
(Side note: Last week it was 4 years since I filed, and still no divorce. Last week I was off-center, and I think it was that antiversary affecting me.)
I have a family situation involving my oldest son (DS30), and it is the kind of thing where parents should be cooperating and coordinating, at least logistically.
But I can't stand her. I don't want to be around her. And for those reasons, I bailed on the boy when he arranged a breakfast before the commencement of the event.
It turns out, I have since discovered, that because of my travel situation, there is nothing else I can do. The breakfast was really the whole shebang, until he comes out the other side.
I'm feeling bad about it. I still think it was the healthiest choice for me. I don't think it would really have been helpful for me to sit across the table at a restaurant and pretend. Helpful or healthy.
But I can't help the nagging feeling I somehow failed my boy.
I'll try to make it up to him later.
Tell me I'm not a bad dad.
Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.
inconnu ( member #24518) posted at 4:53 AM on Monday, April 22nd, 2013
((TH)) you are not a bad dad. your son knows how much you love and support him.
sending tons of mojo and positive thoughts, for you and your son. 
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
betrayedfriend ( member #19785) posted at 5:07 AM on Monday, April 22nd, 2013
you aren't a bad dad... a bad dad would have gone along and made the whole event miserable by being an ass about it... Your son is my age, he's a big boy, he knows you love him and want him to have every happiness... next chance you get, remind him you love him, and hope to see him and spend some 1 on 1 time soon :)
I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.
woundedby2 ( member #18522) posted at 5:34 AM on Monday, April 22nd, 2013
(((TH)))
I share these same feelings with you in regard to my son's situation. I can't sit across a table from my Ex and pretend that we are a team. Even for my son, I can't play happy family or even friendly co-parents. I endured a 4 hour family session 2 months ago, and then last month I told my son I can't do it. That his dad would be there, but I was not coming that month.
I think it's ok to make your own self-preservation a priority. You and your Ex are no longer a team united. Your son is an adult. He will have to navigate separate relationships with his parents now.
Your son surely must realize how difficult it is for you to be around his mother will all that's gone on. Hopefully you will get an opportunity to express this to him. I know you have been a loving and supportive father. He knows that.
In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
h0peless ( member #36697) posted at 6:00 AM on Monday, April 22nd, 2013
Your son is old enough to understand. I'm close to him in age and completely understand that my parents can't be in the same room as one another. I wouldn't sweat it.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 1:17 PM on Monday, April 22nd, 2013
You know you are not a bad dad, right? We all have those moments where we question ourselves when it comes to our kids, even when they are adults.
Sending you and your son mojo. ((((TH))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 3:08 PM on Monday, April 22nd, 2013
Tough stuff, indeed.
(((TH)))
AJ's MOM
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
devistatedmom ( member #24961) posted at 8:42 PM on Monday, April 22nd, 2013
Naa. Staying away from that cancer does not make you a bad dad. Even with your travel situation, I know you will talk to him and support him through whatever this event is. Your love is there. 
BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
This Topic is Archived
