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Newest Member: LifeRollrCoaster (61500)

User Topic: A very vague request for mojo
♂ 23328
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Posted here because you are my peeps... and it mentions STBX.

(Side note: Last week it was 4 years since I filed, and still no divorce. Last week I was off-center, and I think it was that antiversary affecting me.)

I have a family situation involving my oldest son (DS30), and it is the kind of thing where parents should be cooperating and coordinating, at least logistically.

But I can't stand her. I don't want to be around her. And for those reasons, I bailed on the boy when he arranged a breakfast before the commencement of the event.

It turns out, I have since discovered, that because of my travel situation, there is nothing else I can do. The breakfast was really the whole shebang, until he comes out the other side.

I'm feeling bad about it. I still think it was the healthiest choice for me. I don't think it would really have been helpful for me to sit across the table at a restaurant and pretend. Helpful or healthy.

But I can't help the nagging feeling I somehow failed my boy.

I'll try to make it up to him later.

Tell me I'm not a bad dad.

Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5715 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((TH)) you are not a bad dad. your son knows how much you love and support him.

sending tons of mojo and positive thoughts, for you and your son.

There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown

Posts: 13029 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartof, Texas
♀ 19785
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you aren't a bad dad... a bad dad would have gone along and made the whole event miserable by being an ass about it... Your son is my age, he's a big boy, he knows you love him and want him to have every happiness... next chance you get, remind him you love him, and hope to see him and spend some 1 on 1 time soon :)

I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 1019 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
♀ 18522
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I share these same feelings with you in regard to my son's situation. I can't sit across a table from my Ex and pretend that we are a team. Even for my son, I can't play happy family or even friendly co-parents. I endured a 4 hour family session 2 months ago, and then last month I told my son I can't do it. That his dad would be there, but I was not coming that month.

I think it's ok to make your own self-preservation a priority. You and your Ex are no longer a team united. Your son is an adult. He will have to navigate separate relationships with his parents now.

Your son surely must realize how difficult it is for you to be around his mother will all that's gone on. Hopefully you will get an opportunity to express this to him. I know you have been a loving and supportive father. He knows that.

In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

Posts: 8023 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your son is old enough to understand. I'm close to him in age and completely understand that my parents can't be in the same room as one another. I wouldn't sweat it.

Posts: 2969 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know you are not a bad dad, right? We all have those moments where we question ourselves when it comes to our kids, even when they are adults.

Sending you and your son mojo. ((((TH))))

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40247 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tough stuff, indeed.



Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09

Posts: 21377 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
♀ 24961
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Naa. Staying away from that cancer does not make you a bad dad. Even with your travel situation, I know you will talk to him and support him through whatever this event is. Your love is there.

BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.

Posts: 5919 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 8

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