SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

TrustedHer posted 4/21/2013 22:22 PM

Posted here because you are my peeps... and it mentions STBX.

(Side note: Last week it was 4 years since I filed, and still no divorce. Last week I was off-center, and I think it was that antiversary affecting me.)

I have a family situation involving my oldest son (DS30), and it is the kind of thing where parents should be cooperating and coordinating, at least logistically.

But I can't stand her. I don't want to be around her. And for those reasons, I bailed on the boy when he arranged a breakfast before the commencement of the event.

It turns out, I have since discovered, that because of my travel situation, there is nothing else I can do. The breakfast was really the whole shebang, until he comes out the other side.

I'm feeling bad about it. I still think it was the healthiest choice for me. I don't think it would really have been helpful for me to sit across the table at a restaurant and pretend. Helpful or healthy.

But I can't help the nagging feeling I somehow failed my boy.

I'll try to make it up to him later.

Tell me I'm not a bad dad.

inconnu posted 4/21/2013 22:53 PM

((TH)) you are not a bad dad. your son knows how much you love and support him.

sending tons of mojo and positive thoughts, for you and your son.

betrayedfriend posted 4/21/2013 23:07 PM

you aren't a bad dad... a bad dad would have gone along and made the whole event miserable by being an ass about it... Your son is my age, he's a big boy, he knows you love him and want him to have every happiness... next chance you get, remind him you love him, and hope to see him and spend some 1 on 1 time soon :)

woundedby2 posted 4/21/2013 23:34 PM

(((TH)))

I share these same feelings with you in regard to my son's situation. I can't sit across a table from my Ex and pretend that we are a team. Even for my son, I can't play happy family or even friendly co-parents. I endured a 4 hour family session 2 months ago, and then last month I told my son I can't do it. That his dad would be there, but I was not coming that month.

I think it's ok to make your own self-preservation a priority. You and your Ex are no longer a team united. Your son is an adult. He will have to navigate separate relationships with his parents now.

Your son surely must realize how difficult it is for you to be around his mother will all that's gone on. Hopefully you will get an opportunity to express this to him. I know you have been a loving and supportive father. He knows that.

h0peless posted 4/22/2013 00:00 AM

Your son is old enough to understand. I'm close to him in age and completely understand that my parents can't be in the same room as one another. I wouldn't sweat it.

nowiknow23 posted 4/22/2013 07:17 AM

You know you are not a bad dad, right? We all have those moments where we question ourselves when it comes to our kids, even when they are adults.

Sending you and your son mojo. ((((TH))))

ajsmom posted 4/22/2013 09:08 AM

Tough stuff, indeed.

(((TH)))

AJ's MOM

devistatedmom posted 4/22/2013 14:42 PM

Naa. Staying away from that cancer does not make you a bad dad. Even with your travel situation, I know you will talk to him and support him through whatever this event is. Your love is there.