In Baggagereclaim, the author uses the term "crumbs". Here is a recent quote "When you donít feed you and then somebody comes along and showboats with their crumbs, it can feel like finding water in the desert and it puts the other personís efforts out of context."
I am in the process of acknowledging that all I knew was crumbs but I deserve and am worthy of the whole damn cookie ... wait a sec ... the whole package of cookies.
What about our children? They "have" to accept "crumbs" because that is all that they are offered by the parent. How do you stop that cycle? I don't want my kids to ever be in a relationship and feel like they only deserve crumbs, you know?
What triggered this post was seeing my stbx's most recent text to the kids. Quick background: kids do not want to see or communicate with stbx and haven't for 2 months (DS14) and 5 months (DD17). At our court date last month, he accused me of not allowing him to communicate with children for which I promptly showed cell phone records that blatantly showed HE made little effort to contact DS14 and no effort to contact DD17. Since then, he has been consistently sending texts about every other day. Pretty generic stuff like "Have a great week", "Hope you Monday was fun", etc. Todays text states "Do you want to go to Iron 3 on May 5? If you are still angry with me you don't have to sit or talk with me. Let dad know."
Seriously. What the hell makes him think that the kids will want to watch a movie with him? It such a stupid text. STBX has never acknowledged what he has done. Never apologized. The kids are angry and rightfully so. They see their therapists weekly and are processing the abandonment and betrayal and loss. HE DOESN'T GET IT! It hurts me to see my STBX sending them these useless texts.
My therapist says that at least he is trying. Is this trying? I don't think this is "trying"? Am I expecting too much? I think there are a few here that have WS's who are decent parents but I think the majority are like me. Any insight? Experience?