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Just outed the OW...

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rumorhasit posted 4/22/2013 01:04 AM

I messaged her STBXH on FB because that was the only way to contact him... told him I knew my ex had been sleeping over and felt he should know since his daughter lives there.

Not looking forward to the backlash... XWBF is guaranteed to blow up at me... I just have to remember its his anger talking and none if it means a thing...

But I'm scared.

Jrazz posted 4/22/2013 01:23 AM

You did the right thing, rumorhasit. I know that outing the AP is a scary thing - it's like opening a pandora's box. The thing is, you acted with integrity. You're only telling the truth here, and you're doing for someone else what you hope would be done for you.

I'm really proud of you. Stand up for yourself now... the gaslighters and blameshifters may try to put this back on you. Let their words bounce off if so, and know that you are a GOOD person who did the RIGHT thing.


rumorhasit posted 4/22/2013 01:23 AM

He replied. Said that is actually not his daughter (my bad) and he would never get back together with OW. Added that she is borderline schizophrenic and unless I felt vindictive I should warn my ex away from this woman. Ha. EVERYONE has told him to gtfo of there! Not just me. I worry about him but I have to let it go. He's a big boy.

rumorhasit posted 4/22/2013 01:29 AM

Thanks for the support. I feel somewhat better that he validated for me that this woman is koo koo for cocoa puffs.

I am too good for this... I wish XWBF was too...

5454real posted 4/22/2013 01:51 AM

He's a big boy.
I am too good for this

Good thing it's not XWH.


rumorhasit posted 4/22/2013 02:03 AM

I know right? I'm 180-ing, I'm doing my best. It won't be the same, but I have other people to do fun family stuff with. It doesn't have to be me and DS alone. And it won't be.

5454real posted 4/22/2013 02:09 AM

It won't be the same

I hope not. I hope you're looking for better!

Jrazz posted 4/22/2013 14:13 PM

Our OW was cray cray too. (Multiple felon - ask me why! )

I wanted to stick it to her really badly, but I had a DD to protect, and in the end it's so much better to just leave them in the dust as you move on with your life. I'm glad you feel a little better.

BIZZYBEEZ posted 4/22/2013 14:47 PM

I wish I could've found OW boyfriend to tell him & give him copies of the Voxers between WS & OW. In them she said she would just tell him she was going to TN to visit her friend instead of coming to AK & he was too stupid to figure out she was lying. Poor guy. She also said her best friend would cover for her if he called. Same best friend who contacted me about them having an A because WH broke it off with OW. "Oh what a tangled web we weave when we first practice to deceive"

rumorhasit posted 4/22/2013 15:19 PM

I still am impressed with myself for finding OW's facebook page since I only knew her married name and on facebook its her maiden name. And then finding her STBXH in her friends list. Her pics helped :) none of her but of her daughter and the X.

If I wanted to be really snarky I'd ask XWBF when he's going to friend her and make it FB official (on their main accounts, not the pseudo accounts) but I'd rather take the high road. I find it funny that they arent very open about their relationship though. They're not as ashamed as they ought to be, but at least they are a bit.

Ashland13 posted 4/22/2013 15:45 PM

The rational side of me is very pleased that you had that courage. I did it too but the irrational side of me is extremely jealous because my STBXH abandoned us for OW and speaks of a future with her.

I am struggling with jealousy when a WH or WS comes through the light of the fog, but now is too late and too much damage anyway for him to come back.

I am trying so hard to get to the point where you are. DS and I are alone quite a lot-when school is not open-and I struggle to come up with activities and things to keep her busy in my down time. We have family and few friends who we do things with and as you say life goes on, but something so large is missing and destroyed.

I have, in down times, considered contacting OW to tell her I am pregnant but I never would, it's just vengence and irrationality.

Good luck to you and bless your strength.

Jada52 posted 4/22/2013 16:44 PM

I too want to confront OW. She has no husband to tell or a BF that I know of. I may get to have my say sooner or later. Will not really do any good to say anything to her because apparently she could care less that there is a wife. Oh but wait, they are "just friends" - my bad. I really do not want to let her think she matters to me and I am afraid if I confront her she will feel she has the control.

Good for you confronting!

rumorhasit posted 4/22/2013 17:05 PM

Ashland13, I think you may have misunderstood, the Ow's X does not want to get back w her. MY XWBF is still with her, still a jackass, still in the fog. And I get jealous too. Because my X doesn't even want to try. Won't apologize. I don't know what he is thinking, if he wants a future with this crazy woman or if she is just "therapy". He needs real therapy.

XWBF's friend who had an affair with this woman first (XWBF is the rebound) said that she asked him how his sex life w his GF was. He admitted it wasn't that great atm. She offered no strings sex, you know, to help him out. He eventually caved. They were together twice and she tried to make things more serious. He backed off fast, confessed to his gf, they R and are now engaged.
I know she played the same game with my XWBF and he was too damn gullible and weak and selfish to walk away. Instead he left me.

What is the matter with someone like her???

newlysingle posted 4/22/2013 17:42 PM

Ashland 13, I'm in the same boat. My STBXH is looooooooove with OW and has no intention of coming back. He dropped his family like we were garbage and never looked back. I also have nobody to out OW to as she is single with no children.

I might be different though as I don't want him back. I'm honestly kind of grateful that he did dump us. As hurtful as it is, I don't think I could ever trust him again after this. I read through the reconciliation board sometimes and am glad I'm not there. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if he really wants to be with me and if he's out picking up on women. I want to find someone new that has integrity and isn't a slimy coward like STBX.

Ashland13 posted 4/22/2013 17:59 PM

I'm sorry, Newly Single. There's so much I don't understand about STBXH's decisions/actions and choice of OW even.

I'm trying to slow down my reading, so thanks for the notes and clarification on your post, RumorHasIt. I, too, have these kind of maternal worries about him and have to stop, for in my mind I know what his choices are but my heart is not in the same place.

I and the rest of our friends and family see him taking such a massive dive but there's nothing anyone could say-except OW, who is in her own fog-to change it.

When I am at my rare strong times, I even think of what a loser STBXH has become and I count up his losses or failings and it helps. It's not very nice and I tend to ask for forgiveness for bad behavior, but my IC said its a coping mechanism.

Do any of you ever do that?

I don't believe OW in this case is tied to anyone else either but it wouldn't surprise me. He told me there is OW junior who has named a dog after our last name and put it all over her FB. I'm trying to remember her age and she's a kid, but it was a very piercing arrow nonetheless.

I'm trying to remember that I'm too good for it, too, for I would never accept a married man's "advances" and have several times been ...solicited that way.

And I can know that my time with STBXH began the right way, while hers was lies and stealing and wrecking a family with a little kid.

I still think you did the right thing, rumor has it. And why make a problem when there are already so many?

homewrecked2011 posted 4/22/2013 20:11 PM

I tried 3 times to contact H of OW. He refuses to believe the A bc he and my XWH are friends.

I have been told here to drop it, but gees, he's only 34 and my XWH is a slimy 46 year old.

MY xwh AND slut are still telling his family (live in another state) thar i am crazy and they r friends.

Anyway, I, too, thought when D was final, it was just over
and they would move on. Nope, they try to play head games continually. This really makes me stronger!

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