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Shame - Unhealthy and Healthy

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toasted22 posted 4/22/2013 04:34 AM

Had counselling today which went well.

Question though.

What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy shame?

Flatlined123 posted 4/22/2013 05:02 AM

BS here...IMO there is a huge difference.

Healthy shame allows you to look at the situation and see what you can do to make it and yourself better.

Unhealthy shame makes you defensive, moody and angry. You blame others and have a poor me attitude.

I've seen both from my H.

LosferWords posted 4/22/2013 08:30 AM

My general understanding of it is that with healthy shame, you are ashamed of your actions and and poor choices. Unhealthy shame is when you view yourself as a worthless human being, unworthy of love, deserving of unkindness/abuse, etc.

knightsbff posted 4/22/2013 10:20 AM

My IC explained it that:

shame is the feeling that! "I am bad" and that is unhealthy.

Guilt is the feeling that I have done or am doing something bad. This is healthy because it prompts us not to do things that are harmful to ourselves or others.

hardlessons posted 4/22/2013 11:46 AM

toasted, shame sucks period, its what you do with it that determines if it is healthy or unhealthy. Those of us who use it as motivation for change will accept the shame see it for what it is and use it.

Some get stuck in it, mired down by shame and self loathing. Or use it as a shield for defense. That is unhealthy.

Same feeling just have to determine what your gonna do with it.

inconnu posted 4/22/2013 22:08 PM

check on Brene Brown for some great information on shame. Here's a link to her TED talk http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

toasted22 posted 4/23/2013 03:29 AM

Thanks for the responses, very helpful

CrappyLife posted 4/23/2013 03:39 AM

I saw the title and immediately Brene Brown's speech at TED came to mind. So, I opened the thread to post. inconnu already mentioned it.

It is a must watch for everybody, especially WSs I think. I stumbled upon it and told WW to have a look. It certainly helped WW see things differently.

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