SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

She11ybeanz posted 4/22/2013 08:21 AM

There is this guy who is part of my local hash running group who has been talking to me some on Facebook. I've met him in person at a few group runs and we have talked in person as well, but he started sending me messages and we have been chatting.

He's not my usual physical type....real skinny and about my height...maybe a little taller, BUT he is a college professor and very smart. Seems sweet too! My therapist in IC says I need to date men more on my education level (I have a master's) but I told her I would settle for a bachelor's! My XWH had an associates and Piper's sperm donor no college education at all. And, I was extremely attracted to both of them. So, maybe going outside of my usual "type" is a good thing....

But, he has asked me out a couple of times but every time he did...it was last minute on a Friday and I am a single mom and couldn't go (plus....as it would be...I had plans and was busy anyways!)

I hadn't heard from him in a couple of weeks...so I figured he gave up after the 2nd time and I turned him down...but last night he sent me another message asking if I would like to have dinner with him Thursday after work...giving me much more notice... and I'm thinking about it!

I haven't been on a date date in I can't remember how long....and its been almost a year since I broke up with my daughter's donor.... so maybe it would be nice to get my toes a little wet and go on my 1st date in over a year....

trumanshow posted 4/22/2013 08:34 AM

Go! You don't have to commit to anything.. Just keep it casual and friendly. It will give you confidence and you may make a good friend. Just be honest with him about where yours at.

Your IC tells you who you should date?

She11ybeanz posted 4/22/2013 08:35 AM

She doesn't tell me who I should date, but is helping me work on the parts of me that attract the wrong type of men so that I may attract decent guys going forward! I totally agree with her on that and I think in the past my weakness for extremely attractive guys has blindsided me to their obvious flaws....

I think I will go. I think it would be fun to have a nice laid back casual dinner with the opposite sex. Its been a while! And, right now...I'm feeling really good about myself and it will give me more confidence in the whole dating scene...

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:37 AM, April 22nd (Monday)]

k94ever posted 4/22/2013 08:40 AM

(sigh)

I'm happy for you. It sorta sounds like he just needed to be taught the mechanics of dating a single mom. Like....no waiting until the last minute. Must have firm start and stop times to assist with babysitter scheduling.

Have fun.

k9

Amazonia posted 4/22/2013 08:58 AM

Exciting

I have to say, my IC and I spent a lot of time talking about who I date, why, what attracts me to the wrong people, etc. too, and I get it. I think it's really smart to work through those patterns and understand them so that you are in control of yourself and your choices, rather than just following habits blindly.

She11ybeanz posted 4/22/2013 09:23 AM

I agree Amazonia! I have had the very BAD HABIT of going for the "looks" and finding out the hard way that they were wolves in Channing Tatum Clothing!

And yes..k94ever! I agree!

He was kinda bad the last 2 times asking cause he asked me at like 6pm if I wanted to go to a jazz band out somewhere that night and I forget what the other was....but it was WAY too short of notice. But, I was out already with Piper and some friends both times. I definitely need plenty of notice being a single mom....for sure!

Survivor3512 posted 4/22/2013 17:58 PM

Go! And have fun! Let us know how it goes.

hurtbs posted 4/22/2013 18:04 PM

Go!!! It's a date. Have fun. Enjoy the attention. No commitment!

PurpleBlueBella posted 4/22/2013 18:25 PM

Go if you feel ready! And report back of course!! :))

She11ybeanz posted 4/22/2013 18:28 PM

For the 1st time in a long time....I DO feel ready! In the past...the thought of a date made me sick to my stomach....and made me want to run the other way....but I'm actually getting excited about it!!! Crazy huh??!!

wildbananas posted 4/22/2013 18:34 PM

A date? What's that?

Seriously, go! It's not like you have to marry the guy. Go have a good time and yes, be honest about where you're at, just like trumanshow said.

We expect a report afterward.

Sunnie posted 4/22/2013 18:49 PM

Shellybeanz you are on a roll! First a great half marathon and now a date!

If he's nice and you know him, I say go for it. My therapist calls it "trying on shoes". Nice and light, keep it simple, have fun. If it doesn't work you have a great excuse to leave early (uh oh, babysitter called, should go home to make sure everything is ok :) Nothing to lose!

She11ybeanz posted 4/22/2013 19:23 PM

I agree!!! I've already put a time limit on the night cause I usually get my daughter to bed between 8 and 9 anyways.... but I'm still excited! I think it will be nice to have dinner with a DECENT member of the opposite sex (that isn't my dad! )

dlmos posted 4/23/2013 07:15 AM

Sweet! Go and have a good time

Ashland13 posted 4/23/2013 08:15 AM

That's really cool!

I'm rooting for you.

Something I would ask is, does anyone remember about how long it took them to switch gears and have that interest again?

k94ever posted 4/24/2013 08:21 AM

When this date happens we are going to need an update.

There are lots of us who are living vicariously through you guys

Dates are like Sasquatches. You always hear about them, but nobody ever really sees them.

k9

Amazonia posted 4/24/2013 08:40 AM

K94, you spend so much time drooling over everyone's dating posts, I think it's time for you to get back out there!

Happydays posted 4/24/2013 08:45 AM

Go! Go! Go!

wildbananas posted 4/24/2013 13:24 PM

Dates are like Sasquatches. You always hear about them, but nobody ever really sees them.

Right?

Sorry for the t/j but that slayed me!

k94ever posted 4/25/2013 10:05 AM

Aah....but Ama first there must be members of the opposite sex that I would want to spend time with.

I have pretty high standards. Like they have to have teeth, take a shower, wear deoderant and have money. Then there is the requirement to be able to speak of things OTHER than the Green Bay Packers, ice fishing, deer hunting, regular fishing, and beer.

I live in NW WI....with my standards I don't see any dates in my forseeable future.

Hence having to live vicariously through you guys.

k9