Coming up on one year from d-day. My wife and I are taking a trip this coming weekend - 3 nights, just us, no kids. Things are still very up and down. I know trips don't "fix" anything but I'm looking forward to the time away.
Yesterday, we celebrated one of my kids' First Communion. It was a really nice day. And the party afterward was a lot of fun. Surrounded by friends, family and food.
I ate a lot, laughed a lot, sang a lot (too much wine probably). It looked like everyone was having a good time and my kids really enjoyed it.
I commented to a close friend who knows our situation well that for the first time in a long time, I actually felt somewhat "normal".
It was a great feeling. A feeling I wish I could have more often. Maybe it's just that enough time has elapsed since d-day or perhaps it's because I'm gaining some perspective.
I wanted the feeling to last but when everyone had left, a sadness entered my heart. A sadness realizing that none of this ever had to happen. Or maybe it did "need" to happen. Because maybe I would have never woken up to the reality of where my life was going. Mired in anxiety and depression and putting my health at risk by being overweight pre d-day. An awakening of sorts, I guess.
I recently heard a statement about transforming suffering into meaning. I'd like to be able to do just that. I really couldn't think about that a few months ago. Now I'm interested in figuring that out.
[This message edited by phoenix54 at 9:42 AM, April 22nd (Monday)]