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What I struggle with most?

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coz626 posted 4/22/2013 10:18 AM

Length of time that this occurred. You start to think back to things and say damn, it was going on then?

Thinking you know someone, the closest person to you that knows everything about you and shares your life, and finding out you don't. On the flip side so desperately want the person that you knew who was honest, trustworthy, dependable but not being able to allow yourself to believe he may be there.

I want to believe what he says that we can be the best we have ever been. He's being or should I say seems to be being good about everything. His helpfulness, his attentiveness, his moving us away and getting a new job, etc, but a part of me is skeptical of it all. Not that I truly believe I should be but because I don't want to be naive. Trust but don't be naive is what I tell myself daily.

Then we move away after four of the longest months of my life which I'm thrilled about. Had to leave my dad and friends but this was supposed to happen anyway so it's ok. This just threw it into high gear. But we get a call from his best friend who lives in the other state we used to live in that he is applying for a job and surprise surprise guess who he will be working as a subordinate to? The OW. His best friend is completely aware of the situation and in fact she tried to drag him into her delusions at one point(they all worked at the same company). And I know he needs a job so I get it, I do but this situation is not good for him and potentially not good for us. Simply because we're trying to cut that connection to that workplace and the OW so she can no longer harass us. I told him that he is to keep his mouth shut! Not speak of us, not say anything. He agreed of course but something doesn't sit right. He just lost his job so I know he needs one I'm just hoping something else comes along for him.

Akire posted 4/22/2013 17:45 PM

I think you are right to feel nervous about this new development and I think you should listen to your gut. This friend is now a portal to the OW which, as you've said, is a door you want firmly shut. If your WS wants to find out about OW, even just out of 'curiosity' (cough, splutter), well its fairly easy now - and how would you know? Would either of them tell you? Even the most inane comment your friend might say about her will trigger a lot of emotion for you. So yeah - I get why you feel anxious about it.

I also question the "dragged him into her delusions". Its blame-shifting. She dragged him into nothing or nowhere he didn't want to go. You give her too much power. My thoughts anyway.

coz626 posted 4/23/2013 08:33 AM

Thanks Akire. What I meant though when I said dragging him in, I meant his best friend. Basically they all worked in the same office. His best friend had no idea until I found out. He had only been working there a couple of months. Then after this all came out she kept saying things about his best friend like you two better stop talking about me and looking at me. Basically dragging him into this because of her delusions. I thought she was going to create problems for his friend at work and he was a bystander. And now he wants to work for her? He needs a job and needs to support his family, I get that 100%. He was temping there and got let go so a permanent less desirable position opened up and he's going for it. She asked him if it will be a problem them working together and he said no. My hope is and when I say this understand what I mean, I hope it is a problem for him but he's just doing it for his family. I hope that this actually does bother him because if it doesn't what type of friend is he to us? We've known each other for years. I always looked at us like family. So yes on one hand there's a door that is creeping back open and I am trying very hard to lock! I've asked other people and they have said he should find a different job. But I know finding a job is difficult. I just don't need the harassment from her to start again. That's why we left! My husband said if he has to he will stop his friendship but I don't want him to do that. I just need this over with so I can continue to move on.

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