This pain is going to stay with you for years, depending on the actions you eventually take. It's probably too early for you to know now, but if you want R, for example, be ready for years of hard work, backsteps along the way, and much more pain.
From what I've heard from others, 3-5 years is a reasonable timeframe.
For me, I've been in constant pain for 17 months, yes it was gradually getting better, but when I discovered a few days ago that the R was really a false R, well, that pain ratcheted right back up to volcanic levels. That said, I am used to the pain, in a way, so I know in my head that it will eventually get better, even if my heart and gut disagree right now.
P.S. There are some good answers in the faq and library on this very question.
[This message edited by KickedInTheNuts at 10:54 AM, April 22nd (Monday)]
Kids: 18 & 16
R for 17 months, turned out to be false R. Starting the D process.
I have asked myself and other people those very questions and felt those same pains. It is agony and a searing pain that I have never felt before. I've given birth and I may put that in a parallel box, if we were to measure.
I agree with what Kicked in the N's said about having good moments. Mine are brief and I spend the next hours wondering where they come from and how I could keep them? What are the triggers for a happy second? Why can't I say a command and have it come back?
12 days is very, very fresh and early, as he said, also. I went through a period of shock and some denial before I had to accept all that had happened. It's not to say I forgive, just that I realize it is the harsh reality of life now.
My STBXH did many similar things as yours did only the OW is not a younger model, but much larger than me and the same age. STBXH felt like mentioning those little details. There is also OW Junior who is the same as DD. That felt like pin pricks in my skin to hear and was not very nice goosebumps.
My sadness is similar to your with an addition...why does the WS get to choose and we do not?
I, too, am going to lose our house (we built it) and have to move and have a baby alone while raising DD primarily alone. The little STBXH does is a usually with a battle attached.
I'm sorry for your suffering and will be wishing for some peace among the turmoil for you.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
But after a year or so I realized that he did lose out. I get to see our son everyday, I get to be the person he comes to with all his love and I will never miss a moment of his childhood.
The ex now has to sell his motorcycles becuase he works out of province, he doesn't really have a home and he definately doesn't have a family.
The pain will fade as time goes on, and in the end they are the true losers. ((hugs))
After you get a job, get your own place, do what you want, when you want, then the pain will subside.
Make this on your terms and don't ever let anyone else control your fate.
I just found out as well about my WW. She isn't doing much to help the situation either. I can tell you that about 4 weeks out now, the pain is slightly less. While it is still a daily thing, I am able to eat, drink, and take care of myself. Best of luck to you!
What helped for me was to concentrate on my children. Keep yourself together for them~you are not being punished for cherishing your children and family. You are admired for living up to your responsibilities and knowing what is truly important. Although children can be stressful during this time, they were the only reason why I was able to pull myself out of bed and keep their lives are normal as possible. Remember that for now, they can be your reason to keep moving forward, until you find yourself again.
Sending you good thoughts.
You are an incredible mother, and no one can take that away from you. It's his loss if he can't see that, and has to jump ship to some young hussy.
That being said, I would strongly advise you do everything in your power to protect yourself and your children (especially the minors). If you think the M is done, I would suggest contacting an attorney to see what your options are (1/2 of everything, alimony, child support, etc.). If his young "sex object" is worth all that to him, then the guy is pretty messed up anyway, and you're way better off without him.
Just my $0.02