[This message edited by hurtmywife27 at 2:49 PM, April 22nd (Monday)]
Well, you and your wife have certainly been through a lot recently. I'm sorry about all your struggles.
But it's destroying me on what I have done, last night I went into a breakdown and wanted to end it. Not our marriage but me, but that would just put another burden on her. We have been Mutt and Jeff for 28 years. Loosing her is just a nightmare and is hard to get by.
Look outward, look at the big picture, work on letting go of the shame and self pity and focus on the good that you can create by your actions. You have said you are sorry, on SI and I'm sure in person. At this point words mean little, if anything.
Now show her by getting yourself together and doing what you can to start the healing.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."