I am not sure on the answer for this just yet. It is going to be hard enough for them to experience the D. Maybe at some later point in time.
In the last 17 months my daughter has asked me several times why I am so sad. It kills me every time that my face is that transparent. I think she will figure it out for herself. My son on the other hand is still kind of oblivious.
We feel for you, lbts.
Kids: 18 & 16
R for 17 months, turned out to be false R. Starting the D process.
For telling the kids, only you can make that decision. If my dd was 23 however, I probably would tell her. I would guess at that age, they will figure it out eventually. I plan on telling my dd what her dad did (as a cautionary tale) when she is an adult. However, she's only 5 so that is a long ways away.
As for telling your DD..if they are old enough...in their teens,or adult children,then yes,tell them. If they ask,then you should be honest with them. They have a right to know what has happened to their family.
You were just set back emotionally...because your WH chose to lie rather than tell you everything on dday1. It is the lies that kill any chance of R. As a BS,you know what it's like to be lied too...so if your kids ask..honesty is the best way to handle it. After all,you don't want them to lose their trust in you...trust is such a fragile thing.
[This message edited by confused615 at 7:32 PM, April 22nd (Monday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 7:45 PM, April 22nd (Monday)]
In my opinion, I would tell EVERYONE you can. This shit thrives in secrecy. I would tell your daughter and your other kids. The only exception to this is telling minors. I don't think they are developed enough to fully comprehend. But a full grown daughter or son would be able to fully understand and comprehend. Each individual should be able to formulate their own opinion of both the BS and the WS. I would hold back nothing..
Just my $0.02