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Newest Member: Netflixandstuff (61822)

User Topic: Feelings Change Daily
♀ 38900
Member # 38900
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last Thursday H confessed to a second sexual activity. Since all this started, March 8th, I have been a total wreck. I don't eat much, I certainly don't sleep, I average about 3 to 4 hours a night. When is this bullshit going to stop. I am getting pretty tired of it all. I want it to stop. My daughter is with me this week, she sees her mother acting "strange", I keep telling my kids that I'm not feeling well, etc. Should I tell my 23 year old daughter, that her father cheated on her mother? Last night I was thinking I would take him back, today, I hate the SOAB! Thank God he is not here, far away, 4000 miles away. I have that much to be grateful for. Venting, I needed this.

Me - 59 - I often have to remind myself of my age!
Husband - 59
DD1 April 5 2013 (a lie)
DD2 April 23 2013
DD3 June 22 2013
3 children
1 grand child

Posts: 266 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 38984
Member # 38984
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry livebythesea. I have the same feelings that are different each day or hour some days. On one hand I just want him to go and leave me be, on the other I want our marriage to work. I hate these feelings.

Silly Slut, husbands are for wives - get your own man B*tch!

Posts: 114 | Registered: Apr 2013
♂ 34107
Member # 34107
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That question is there for me too....should my kids know about the infidelity of their mother?

I am not sure on the answer for this just yet. It is going to be hard enough for them to experience the D. Maybe at some later point in time.

In the last 17 months my daughter has asked me several times why I am so sad. It kills me every time that my face is that transparent. I think she will figure it out for herself. My son on the other hand is still kind of oblivious.

We feel for you, lbts.

DDay #1: December 4, 2011
DDay #2: April 20, 2013

Me: BH
Her: WW
Kids: 18 & 16

R for 17 months, turned out to be false R. Starting the D process.

Posts: 56 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. First of all, if you're not opposed to taking anti depressants, I highly recommend them. I've been on Lexapro since my Dday and it helps immensely. I still feel some of the pain, but I can sleep, eat and function fairly normally.

For telling the kids, only you can make that decision. If my dd was 23 however, I probably would tell her. I would guess at that age, they will figure it out eventually. I plan on telling my dd what her dad did (as a cautionary tale) when she is an adult. However, she's only 5 so that is a long ways away.

BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 1270 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: AZ
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since he just disclosed more last week,you've been set back to day 1.

As for telling your DD..if they are old their teens,or adult children,then yes,tell them. If they ask,then you should be honest with them. They have a right to know what has happened to their family.

You were just set back emotionally...because your WH chose to lie rather than tell you everything on dday1. It is the lies that kill any chance of R. As a BS,you know what it's like to be lied if your kids ask..honesty is the best way to handle it. After all,you don't want them to lose their trust in is such a fragile thing.

[This message edited by confused615 at 7:32 PM, April 22nd (Monday)]

FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 15220 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 38928
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made the decision to tell all my kids as they are old enough and mature enough to handle the truth. I felt they needed to know what was really going on. After all the lies and secrecy from POS, and me trying to keep up the facade with the kids and the world that everything was okay, I had finally reached my limit. In my discussion with the kids I told them just that - I simply can't do it any more and don't want to live a life of lies, secrecy, and head games. My youngest (a very mature DD16), actualy thanked me for telling her the truth as so many things over the past few years now make sense to her. After years of "mommy is just really tired from a long day of work today" I just decided it was time to stop. The POS may enjoy living in his world of intrigue, but it is not me. He is responsible for his actions, and he will be responsible for explaining those actions (or not) to his children. And if he ends up old and alone because of those actions, that is the price he pays for the choices he made. I am absolutely done covering for that POS.

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 7:45 PM, April 22nd (Monday)]

BS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - 2 adult DDs - DS20 Deceased
Happily divorced!

~Indifference - Because some people do not deserve your emotions.~

I edit often because my tablet is possessed!

Posts: 5089 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Land of Indifference
♂ 38518
Member # 38518
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sheesh - I'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing with such betrayal and hurt.

In my opinion, I would tell EVERYONE you can. This shit thrives in secrecy. I would tell your daughter and your other kids. The only exception to this is telling minors. I don't think they are developed enough to fully comprehend. But a full grown daughter or son would be able to fully understand and comprehend. Each individual should be able to formulate their own opinion of both the BS and the WS. I would hold back nothing..

Just my $0.02

BH (me): 35
WW: 34
1 kid (7 y/o)
multiple affairs spanning our entire 11-year marriage
multiple d-days over the last 3 years (most recently: 1/3/2016)
divorced and finally released from this prison: 2/26/2016

Posts: 199 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ 38900
Member # 38900
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Although he has torn me to pieces, I don't want his children to hate him for what he has done to me. However, it is only a matter of time that the children will know. Obviously, something of this magnitude cannot be avoided much longer. I just spoke with him on the phone briefly, he is willing to have a polygraph test, and attend marriage counseling. I insist on the polygraph test cause I want to know if there are any more secrets.

Me - 59 - I often have to remind myself of my age!
Husband - 59
DD1 April 5 2013 (a lie)
DD2 April 23 2013
DD3 June 22 2013
3 children
1 grand child

Posts: 266 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 39046
Member # 39046
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am on the same emotional roller coaster. A friend gave me a poncho today to help me weather the storm. Friday i was hopeful, saturday sad, sunday empowered, monday i missed him, and goodness only knows what tomorrow will bring. I have no advice except that my counselor pointed out that he triggers my moods and the only thing I can control is my reactions. I am trying to work on that to control the rollercoaster.


Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nebraska
Topic Posts: 9

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