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livebythesea posted 4/22/2013 16:35 PM

Last Thursday H confessed to a second sexual activity. Since all this started, March 8th, I have been a total wreck. I don't eat much, I certainly don't sleep, I average about 3 to 4 hours a night. When is this bullshit going to stop. I am getting pretty tired of it all. I want it to stop. My daughter is with me this week, she sees her mother acting "strange", I keep telling my kids that I'm not feeling well, etc. Should I tell my 23 year old daughter, that her father cheated on her mother? Last night I was thinking I would take him back, today, I hate the SOAB! Thank God he is not here, far away, 4000 miles away. I have that much to be grateful for. Venting, I needed this.

Jada52 posted 4/22/2013 16:39 PM

So sorry livebythesea. I have the same feelings that are different each day or hour some days. On one hand I just want him to go and leave me be, on the other I want our marriage to work. I hate these feelings.

KickedInTheNuts posted 4/22/2013 17:17 PM

That question is there for me too....should my kids know about the infidelity of their mother?

I am not sure on the answer for this just yet. It is going to be hard enough for them to experience the D. Maybe at some later point in time.

In the last 17 months my daughter has asked me several times why I am so sad. It kills me every time that my face is that transparent. I think she will figure it out for herself. My son on the other hand is still kind of oblivious.

We feel for you, lbts.

newlysingle posted 4/22/2013 18:02 PM

I'm so sorry. First of all, if you're not opposed to taking anti depressants, I highly recommend them. I've been on Lexapro since my Dday and it helps immensely. I still feel some of the pain, but I can sleep, eat and function fairly normally.

For telling the kids, only you can make that decision. If my dd was 23 however, I probably would tell her. I would guess at that age, they will figure it out eventually. I plan on telling my dd what her dad did (as a cautionary tale) when she is an adult. However, she's only 5 so that is a long ways away.

confused615 posted 4/22/2013 19:32 PM

Since he just disclosed more last week,you've been set back to day 1.

As for telling your DD..if they are old enough...in their teens,or adult children,then yes,tell them. If they ask,then you should be honest with them. They have a right to know what has happened to their family.

You were just set back emotionally...because your WH chose to lie rather than tell you everything on dday1. It is the lies that kill any chance of R. As a BS,you know what it's like to be lied too...so if your kids ask..honesty is the best way to handle it. After all,you don't want them to lose their trust in you...trust is such a fragile thing.

[This message edited by confused615 at 7:32 PM, April 22nd (Monday)]

Phoenix1 posted 4/22/2013 19:44 PM

I made the decision to tell all my kids as they are old enough and mature enough to handle the truth. I felt they needed to know what was really going on. After all the lies and secrecy from POS, and me trying to keep up the facade with the kids and the world that everything was okay, I had finally reached my limit. In my discussion with the kids I told them just that - I simply can't do it any more and don't want to live a life of lies, secrecy, and head games. My youngest (a very mature DD16), actualy thanked me for telling her the truth as so many things over the past few years now make sense to her. After years of "mommy is just really tired from a long day of work today" I just decided it was time to stop. The POS may enjoy living in his world of intrigue, but it is not me. He is responsible for his actions, and he will be responsible for explaining those actions (or not) to his children. And if he ends up old and alone because of those actions, that is the price he pays for the choices he made. I am absolutely done covering for that POS.

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 7:45 PM, April 22nd (Monday)]

Theradin posted 4/22/2013 19:55 PM

Sheesh - I'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing with such betrayal and hurt.

In my opinion, I would tell EVERYONE you can. This shit thrives in secrecy. I would tell your daughter and your other kids. The only exception to this is telling minors. I don't think they are developed enough to fully comprehend. But a full grown daughter or son would be able to fully understand and comprehend. Each individual should be able to formulate their own opinion of both the BS and the WS. I would hold back nothing..

Just my $0.02

livebythesea posted 4/22/2013 21:04 PM

Although he has torn me to pieces, I don't want his children to hate him for what he has done to me. However, it is only a matter of time that the children will know. Obviously, something of this magnitude cannot be avoided much longer. I just spoke with him on the phone briefly, he is willing to have a polygraph test, and attend marriage counseling. I insist on the polygraph test cause I want to know if there are any more secrets.

Omahahurt posted 4/22/2013 21:08 PM

I am on the same emotional roller coaster. A friend gave me a poncho today to help me weather the storm. Friday i was hopeful, saturday sad, sunday empowered, monday i missed him, and goodness only knows what tomorrow will bring. I have no advice except that my counselor pointed out that he triggers my moods and the only thing I can control is my reactions. I am trying to work on that to control the rollercoaster.

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