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Newest Member: antidave (45740)

User Topic: Was it going too well
Mack9512
♀ 38619
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or just a bump in the road?

My WH's SA and porn addiction has raised its ugly head (pun intended).

I was going thru his spam to delete the messages and every porn or sex spam had been opened.

I confronted him about it, of course, but it isn't the porn that pisses me off. It is the omission of information. 'No porn' is not on my list of boundaries but omission of information is. I really hate this shit.

Sorry for the typos...even in the title. Wrote it on my phone.

[This message edited by Mack9512 at 7:10 PM, April 22nd (Monday)]


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 419 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Mack9512
♀ 38619
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, we talked about it last night and, yes it is the SA thing, however not in the way that I thought.

As most people that are in a relationship with an SA, sex is just about all they think about 24/7/365. Now combine this with performance issues and you have my WH. He is freaking out about not being able to 'satisfy' me and has been researching the reasons why a healthy 42 year-old would have performance issues (also looking at pictures to see if it causes any type of reaction). He showed me the search history on his phone and all of the sites are the ones that only have still photos and not movies, which is not great but it could have been worse. I honestly should have known because of the amount of talking he was doing about his 'research' and his issue.

I think his performance issues are a combo of guilt and RLS medication that's main side effect of long-term use is sexual dysfunction. He thinks is it a combo of medicine and everything else under the sun.

He made an appointment with his urologist to make sure there is no medical reason and he called his IC to tell him that he wants to focus on his SA issues for the time being. He is being proactive, which is great, so I'm considering this a bump in the road.

As for the omission issue...he was embarrassed to tell me. Our major difference that we are trying to overcome is how we view sex/intimacy. He sees sex and intimacy as one and the same and I do not. It's getting better for us, but obviously we have a ways to go.


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 419 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Mack :)

I have no SA experience, so forgive me for even replying...But I couldn't help but see this...

(also looking at pictures to see if it causes any type of reaction). He showed me the search history on his phone and all of the sites are the ones that only have still photos and not movies, which is not great but it could have been worse. I honestly should have known because of the amount of talking he was doing about his 'research' and his issue.

As a big red flag...doing "research" just screams at me...

I hope I am wrong, maybe someone with SA knowledge will be better able to answer you

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Mack9512
♀ 38619
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning Karma,

The research in general was about testosterone levels, ED websites, natural remedies for said ED, and whatnot. The other stuff was 'after' he read up on the the causes behind it. The only reason I know this is because I looked at a timed search history, in that the searches are listed in chronological order by time. I actually looked at one of the testosterone pages that he went to and guess what? It actually suggested that if a man believes his testosterone levels are low he should view pornography to see if he gets a 'rise' out of it. If he did, great, if he didn't he should go see a urologist. I almost snorted coffee out of my nose when I read that one.

We are not far out from the last DDay, so I am in the sit back and watch and see mode. I check his phone, emails, bank accounts and credit cars daily. I don't go into spam that often because...well..it's spam. That will change. I haven't even begun to slack off in the monitoring aspect of R, so I was fortunate that I caught it so early.


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 419 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad you are keeping your eyes open. Like I said, I have no experience with SA's, but it jumped out at me.

Good luck !!


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 5

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