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kayak posted 4/22/2013 20:08 PM

I log on from time to time and I couldn't believe that it's been 6 1/2 years.....sometimes it feels like yesterday....ugh....I still don't have all the answers I was hoping would get me through this or I felt I needed....tell myself that I never will and it is what it is....I go on telling myself that this is as good as it will get and just get over it already....anyone else feel this way..

Rebreather posted 4/22/2013 20:53 PM

I'm so sorry kayak. It is also 6 years for me, but I feel like this is no longer a major issue in my life. I have moments, now and again, but they are rare.

What are you missing? Did you do IC? Would an IC tune up help you reconcile your own thoughts and concrns?

newnormal posted 4/22/2013 21:06 PM

My dday was about 1 year after yours. I went back to IC after a few year break. Maybe I was just ready to move on, but I finally forgave myself for not seeing what was going on. Then, when I took a step back, I noticed his subtle passive aggressive comments. He would subtly attack(blame) me when I needed support. No wonder it took me so long to see that he just can't accept the damage he caused. Nice guy, but broken.

I want better than limbo land, lowering my expectations of the M with every new hurt. Waiting for the next shoe to fall. Rarely feeling happy. Next stop:D.

lemony.2008 posted 4/22/2013 22:14 PM

(((kayak)))

I'm 7 years since dday 1 in 2006 and I'm getting more and more emotionally detached from my h everyday. I thought we were reconciling but he has not done nearly enough work thusfar (he says sorry and he's never doing it again, that's about it) so R is really not successful.

Have you reconciled successfully and then you're feeling unfulfilled by the marriage now or has your husband, like mine, didn't really do any work?

kayak posted 4/23/2013 15:43 PM

we tried mc ...we went the first time by ourselves then mc wanted us back next time together....she wanted me to bring in two ?'s to be answered and not tell him beforehand....felt like I was setting him up...not a good feeling.....so we didn't go back....i waited a while then went to another one on my own several time then he joined me...the second meeting she said i had to threaten to leave then leave before he would talk to me....I didn't want to do that as I still had a 14 year old at home....he answered question here and there after a major blowup...didn't want to do anything I suggested or read anything I suggested so I just started to keep it to myself and not say a word....it works for about a month then a blowup....nothing gets resolved in the blowup so I learned to control so that I didn't get visibly upset.....as long as I make everything seem ok he thinks life is good.....