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Newest Member: jaxonraine (61774)

User Topic: wedding ring???
♀ 39029
Member # 39029
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all...I'm wondering how long you all waited after dday that you put your wedding ring back on. Its been 13 months seems I took it off. At times I'm thinking that I'm getting closer but not exactly there. I always loved my ring but now not so much..... id luv to hear your experiences.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: torn2pieces
♀ 38135
Member # 38135
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think I can bear to ever put it back on.

When he slipped it on my finger it was supposed to be a symbol of his vows.

He broke all of them so it signifies nothing to me now, since it meant nothing to him.

♪I'm not fine; I'm in pain
It's harder every day ~ Maroon 5♫

BS:45 WH:47 needhelp123
8yr EA&PA w/MCOW emp/frmr emp
19y M * 25y T, 2 teens
DDay 12/31/12*5w TT
Sick tired sad

Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 26845
Member # 26845
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine has been off for 2 years and is off FOREVER! I am getting ready to sell it. If and when FWH and I renew our vows we will both get new ones (he doesn't wear his either) and mine better be a big fricking diamond - at least 2 cts. and in a perfect in a drop dead setting - enough said)

Me-BW 60 now, FWH 64 now, 2 adult kids
DD#1 7-21-09 11 yr. affair w OW 30 yrs. younger who is an "escort". DD#2 7-23-09 Long Term EA with mutual friend DD#3 10-3-09 1 1/2 yr PA with escort #2 DD#4 10 yr. EA w/old GF

Posts: 104 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
♀ 37243
Member # 37243
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't worn mine in about 6 months. And truly I don't ever want to again. That marriage is dead in my eyes. With new promises, new boundaries, new lessons, in my opinion should come with a new symbol. My WH doesn't agree so it looks like I will never wear one again. Shame really-it was my grandmothers and I LOVED that ring.

BW- Me 35 & WH- Him 38
OW- My BFF for 25 years
DDay- 6/28/12 Final truth- 7/28/12
“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.”

Posts: 177 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 38787
Member # 38787
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im 7 weeks from d dat and can't even look at mine. My WH still wears his but not in the house or around me because I told him it means nothing to me. He said he needs to wear it because it gives him hope that one day we can r.

Bw (me) 47
WH (him) 59
D day 3/7/2013
Married 26 together 28
2 adult sons 25 and 22

Posts: 167 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: nj
♀ 36456
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't wear my original rings. They don't mean anything to me anymore. I have both of mine and his in a baggy in my sock drawer.

Once we got back together, HE insisted that we get new rings when I said I couldn't wear the old ones. So, for Valentine's Day this year, we bought new rings. My new ring is a big 3-stone anniversary ring. Much nicer than the little 1/4 ct solitaire we could afford straight out of college.

My new ring looks more like an engagement ring so he wants me to have a true wedding band for my birthday in May. I gave him 3 options - all with diamonds instead of a plain band.

He says he wears his new ring proudly as a symbol of the second chance I have given him.

I wear mine as a symbol of our "new" marriage too. But somewhere in the back of my head, I know that it's expensive enough to sell and pay the lawyer's retainer fee if he ever screws up again!

Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
♀ 38732
Member # 38732
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I started wearing mine again when we committed to work on our marriage.

Me: 37 BS
Him: 38 WH
M: 11 years, T: 17
2 boys
DDay: 3/11/13
Status: In MC/R, Retrouvaille graduates

I'm not what I ought to be. I'm not what I want to be. I'm not what I hope to be. But thank God, I'm not what I used to be.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Limbo
♀ 36711
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't wear mine. I mangled it beyond repair anyway. It still feels good that I did that.

D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
♂ 15902
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I waited about 2 months after d-day. To me, the ring symbolizes the strength of my marriage. That my marriage is strong enough to survive the struggles we have gone through together.

We both made vows on our wedding day. One of those vows was for better or worse. I now have a better understanding of what "worse" can mean in a marriage. Although my fWW broke her vows, mine are still intact; and so is the ring. The ring represents the "entire" marriage, not just one painful event.

Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 33 years, Together 40 years - Reconciled

Posts: 6347 | Registered: Aug 2007
♀ 38924
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took it off for a week. WH asking me why I didn't wear it, so I put it back on. It's beautiful but demeaning to me. I want to sell it. I keep wearing it to work because I don't want everyone to know we have problems. I want to buy myself a new one because I don't want to look at it anymore.

Me-37 Ws-37
2 kids
Dday Nov 2012, TT for a year.
Reconciling for the third time in 4 years.

Posts: 972 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 8291
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

9 years ago post a I had the diamond from my wedding ring turned into a pendant which I have only worn once. I then bought a new 2 1/2 ct diamond ring. It is a beautiful ring but even then I hardly ever wear that.

To me it doesn't matter how new, big, or pretty it doesn't stand for what it was supposed to have stood for so I simply have no desire to wear it. H however never takes his off which is his choice.

Posts: 2677 | Registered: Sep 2005
♀ 12008
Member # 12008
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I started wearing mine again when we committed to work on our marriage.

Ditto that. To me, the expectation of fidelity came when I entered into an exclusive relationship with WH. That was LONG before engagements and rings and wedding vows. The wedding/marriage part is where we stood up and promised to do whatever the hell it took to keep marriage together. I never stood next to WH on my wedding day and thought for one split second I would cheat. Nor did he. -We simply took it for granted that it wouldn't happen to us. But it did. Sadly, this is part of our story, but our book isn't closed.

The greater part of why we got married was to commit to being together no matter what life threw at us. Yes, fidelity was part of that assumption, but so was the idea that we would fight for our relationship no matter what. And that's what we're doing now. My wedding band is still on because I am still married and we are still fighting for our marriage. I can EASILY see where someone might look at their ring and feel like it's been contaminated, but for me, I'm choosing to look at mine as a symbol of our relationship - the good AND the bad - all of it together that will hopefully have us exchanging secret smiles and high-fives at some crazy 60th anniversary party down the road. I want to be able to look at that man and say "we did it."

That said... should WH ever want to buy me another bauble for another finger simply because he loves me now more than ever, despite all our screwups... that would be acceptable too.

Me: FWW (STA 2002), now a BW.
Him: FWH (OW1: 2006-2007), now just WH (OW2: 2010-2013)

I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)

Posts: 429 | Registered: Sep 2006
Topic Posts: 12

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