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Dont know what im dealng with

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Jeyana posted 4/23/2013 05:58 AM

Yesterday I got some truth from Wexfiance...some details of what happend with OW2. Ow! Went to couples counceling, and yes it was helplfull. Also found out that he had been on chatsites, and there are at least 3 women he sent pictures of his penis to. I say at least because I dont know if I asked the right questions, you guys know what I mean. I am at that stage that if I dont asked the right specific question, I have no answers. Popped into my head at 10pm, to aask if the neihbor girl recieved a picture of his penin..and yes she did. This one was a AP in the making, he confessed. So including his online boundary crossing, the total of inappropriate contact with women is 8. So far. Less than 6 years together and 8 women who have seen his penis either in persn or via email or text pictures. Does a WS go off the deep end and there is no end? Once you cross that line, does that mean there are no lines anymore at all? Has anyone ever been in my shoes and figured out R? I feel like I am now in the catagory of "oh honey, im so sorry, that is beyond fixing and there is no hope". Sadly, i guess im hoping someone will say this is still just plain old WS behavior. But im scared that this is deviant behavior and I dont know what I am dealing with. Waywards...i would like input also please.

sodamnlost posted 4/23/2013 07:03 AM

I have no advice as I still haven't figured out my own mess, just wanted to say you've been heard and your thoughts are not alone. I have committed to R but daily still ask myself if there is too much damage. (((((((hugs))))))))

forgivingnow posted 4/23/2013 07:31 AM

"Once you cross that line, does that mean there are no lines anymore at all?"
I believe with a remorseful WS the lines can be re-drawn.

HeartInADustpan posted 4/23/2013 07:33 AM

Does a WS go off the deep end and there is no end? Once you cross that line, does that mean there are no lines anymore at all?

From my experience, yes and yes.

My WH was also very much into the cyber/texting affairs and lots of people have seen his junk. Check out the Cyber Cheating in ICR forum and it might help. You are NOT alone.

I believe with a remorseful WS the lines can be re-drawn.

Very much agreed!

Hang in there.

**Edit for correction. Man, I don't need to post before at least finishing my first cup of coffee. When will I learn!

[This message edited by HeartInADustpan at 7:55 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday)]

sudra posted 4/23/2013 08:19 AM

I agree that lines can be redraw but -

I say at least because I dont know if I asked the right questions, you guys know what I mean. I am at that stage that if I dont asked the right specific question, I have no answers.

This does not sit well with me. Do you mean he won't tell you anything unless you ask specific questions? Why won't he tell you everything?

Jeyana posted 4/23/2013 08:57 AM

I don't think he tells me all, because of shame and embarrassment. I counted the 8 women for him, he never thought how many before, seemed shocked. He doesn't want to pull it all together and see the monstrosity of it? I'm truely afraid he may be a SA now. Unprotected sex, setting up the next affair partner while sleeping with me and 2 others. The chatting and sexting. Who knows what else. I understand urges and attractions, I do not understand this and how a person who does this is capable of genuine love. I fill like just another hole he used to make himself happy. I know that's sick.

Unagie posted 4/23/2013 13:21 PM

He needs to write a timeline. He needs to write what he remembers and give it room in case a forgotten detail comes to him. It can be on a word document both of you have access to. I've read his posts and while the words are remorseful the continues lying is not. Yes a remorseful wayward can change, I'd like to think I am my own proof of that as are many others on this site but they have to truly want it. I consider myself a FWS not because I never cheated but because I have redrawn my boundaries and know I will not cross them again. I do not give SO the title of former because he doesn't consider an EA an affair, he doesn't consider meeting up for drinks with another woman cheating, he's still been in contact with her as of a week ago, he changed the PW on his phone because I invaded his privacy by looking at his messages and because no matter what he does unless he has sex with someone else I will always be the worse offender and he will always have the halo. I love him but I know he is not remorseful and maybe never will be. Coming from a place of remorse I realize that until he gets it I will never feel safe. Until strawda gets it hun you will never feel safe.

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