[This message edited by mchercheur at 6:23 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday)]
our marriage just went thru some ups & downs
*just* some ups & downs... those would be trouble with a job, health issues, kid issues... Infidelity is not just a *just*. Has he done any true work on himself? From this post, it surely doesn't sound like it.
Anniversaries are hard enough after an A with a supportive spouse that gets it. I can imagine the heartache of that day with a guy that doesn't.
[This message edited by mchercheur at 6:24 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday)]
He stated that is ridiculous, that our marriage just went thru some ups & downs.
Then he said we should quit MC, it doesn't seem to be helping---if I still feel this way.
Tell him that if MC isn't working, it's time to find a new one, because you're definitely not in a state of being done with MC.
I'm sorry your H is being so insensitive to your needs and feelings.
[This message edited by mchercheur at 4:33 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday)]
I am truly sorry you are in this position. I was there to and my spouse was the super over the 2 APs. I am sorry I really am. Lesson I learned is the kids have to see you stand up for yourself too. So does he see any issues with him working with her? Sorry I really am.
You can't celebrate a marriage that isn't putting YOU first! Until you feel safe you won't be able to be secure within the marriage. He needs to get that and find another job or transfer if he can.
My WH actually said, "Are we really not going to celebrate that day anymore?" With a sad look on his face. I feel he has no right to even question if I do or don't want to celebrate that day!! I feel he has no right to make me feel guilty in anyway if I do not want to celebrate what was once a happy occasion for us! He was physical with OW in the same exact park he married me in a couple days before our 18th wedding anniversary and then he even called her on our day!!
Not sure what I am going to do yet when the time comes. I did however like what one poster had written to me on my post.
kourt090 wrote to me and I wanted to share with you. Still not sure though what I will do, but I liked this.
kourt090 worte:
I feel like he violated our anniversary by carrying on his A during it and I wanted to pick a new day to celebrate but WH pointed out that if we DID change our "anniversary" date then every time it came up, we would remember that the reason why we changed it was because of the A. In some ways, it would make our anniversary even MORE overshadowed by the A. Does that make sense? He suggested that instead of changing our A, we continue to celebrate it on the real date we were married and that we make it very special each year. Not just flowers and dinner. He's right. The A took enough away from our marriage as it was, we didn't need to let it take our anniversary completely away, too, we needed to reclaim it. One of these next few years we will use that date to renew our vows and sort of "start fresh".
Right now i feel we need to do what is best for us and what feels okay for us! If they don't like it, that is just too bad!!
I give up. I don't think this R is going to work. I give up on pushing him to go to MC. I don't want to be the police anymore, trying to find out if he saw OW today at work. I have never been his priority. I definitely wasn't when he was in PA with OW.
I guess I will "fake it till I make it" or "play the part" until our kids are launched. I am too worried about how it would affect the kids to disrupt their world right now. Once we have an empty nest, I will free myself from this. I would rather be alone and free than be alone in this marriage.
