First of all hugs to you both. I am sorry you are here but like you, I am grateful for this site.
You will always have someone who understands and will support you.
This is all VERY new. VERY. You have just been grated a ticket (without your request) on the roller coaster of HELL.
Be kind to yourselves. Do not feel guilty for feeling anything you are feeling at any given time. Give your time to grieve and be angry. If you don't it will most likely hit you later.
One day at a time.
I included the timeline below not to depress you but to make you realize that healing is a process and allow yourselves to be human.
One day. One step at a time.
Timeline of Recovery
Good timeline I found on the healing library.
I hope this helps everyone realize to be kind to themselves and give themselves time. Feel what you need to feel.
The journey is long but you can come out stronger on the other side.
Q: How Long Will It Take Me To Heal From This?
A: There is no set time line. On the average it's 1-2 years to heal from betrayal. 3-5 years is not out of the norm. Below is a general guide, not everyone heals in the same amount of time as others, there are variables to consider in each individual's situation. It's a rollercoaster ride, emotionally and physically, but I promise you - you can and will survive. But, you will never be the same and that's not always a bad thing.
D-day to 6 months is devastation; you're done with life, in shock and sick at heart. You are raw emotionally and never knew such despair could be felt.
6-9 months are full of mood swings from "it's going to be okay" to "Why am I even trying." Your thoughts are emotion driven and not dependable.
9-12 months you can actually go about 15 minutes without thinking about "it." One morning I stepped out of the shower and realized that I hadn't thought of the affair yet. But sadly, those times were few and far between. You're still up and down emotionally.
Then at 12 months, sobbing again with the disappointment in your spouses selfishness
14 months you are able to have a heartfelt happy moment.
18 months the incredible crush of despair is gone. You wake up one morning and realize that the A was something that happened, not something that is happening.
20 months you no longer feel like your world is in danger. Trusting again, with your heart if not with your brain. Constantly questioning your own feelings but you realize it is fear stalking you now, not danger.
22 months you can see a future. You don't cry at the drop of a hat. You can watch television without falling apart at a love scene. Actually feeling almost back to your normal self. You finally loose that sense of being "outside" yourself.
PLEASE NOTE: The phases can trick you, you think you're doing great at five weeks and then you hit the bottom of the well at 12 weeks. You can be raging at 10 months with a horrible anger that never appeared early on.
One day at a time...keep moving....