SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Darksideofme posted 4/23/2013 09:12 AM

Good Morning Everyone,
Just wanted to say I feel like ive been going through withdrawls for the past few days. I fortunately read many of the articles in the library so I noticed and realized it this morning.

I have a few questions going through my mind also. Any imput would be appriciated.

How have you dealt with your withdrawls?? I notice I have alot of feelings going on. From happy, insecure, resentful, to not wanting to give up. Also trying to figure out the best way to deal with my feelings as well as help BS with his fellings.

Ive noticed that BS has been holding in many feelings and i often get the backlash. Ive been trying to talk about things with him when were alone and we've made some progress, but i still feel like Im not as much help.

He did tell me that he's been feeling angry, resentful for not being able to be with others since we've been together from such a young age, that he has been having self esteem issues, and yet he still wants to make this work.

Is there anything more I can do to help him?? Im not trying to say get over it but want to help him get through his feelings. He does seem Happy a little more but has issues usually late at night.

Also what do we do if we end up having to interact with the OM?? The OM is now dating a friend of ours that has a daughter we are godparents for.

Im so grateful for the SI site today. If I didnt read, understand, or was unable to ask questions I feel like I would possibly have backslid and went back to A's.

BaxtersBFF posted 4/23/2013 14:34 PM

Have you read the Maia's post on withdrawal? I'll find it and bump it for you.

If you think you might end up in a situation of interacting with the AP, then have a plan of action put in place now. That way, you have a default to fall back on. Talk to your BS about that and make sure you both understand the plan of action...and stick to it.

Darkness Falls posted 4/23/2013 19:11 PM

The withdrawals will pass. That you can count on.

I look at it like any habit (or addiction, as some people look at it). I quit smoking cold-turkey 5 years ago and stayed quit for over 2 years. (Alas, I started up again when XH and I divorced... ). It sucked at first. I had smoked for 10 years at that time and the habit was hard to break. Really, really hard.

Some affairs are the same way. It's not so much the OP per se that you feel you can't go without seeing/communicating with/being with...it's the habit. The way the affair made you feel.

It passes with time, commitment, and patience. I'm not talking commitment to your BS (although obviously that's important)...I'm talking about commitment to yourself to get through the withdrawal feelings knowing that the "cravings" do pass and you'll come out the other side.

Darksideofme posted 4/24/2013 15:09 PM

Thanks for the reply heartbroken0903. Ill make sure to think of it in that manner. I can understand that concept better.

Thanks baxtersBFF for the repost of Maia's original post. It is very helpful!!