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Ann124 posted 4/23/2013 09:49 AM

So as I posted earlier today is, should be, would have been if he hadn't had his A almost 3 years go ... Our 25th wedding anniversary. We are doing an in house separation for only 5 more weeks and I get this text from STBXWH:

"Putting our current status aside for the moment. Thank you for sticking with me for our 25 years of marriage."

I feel like he is trying to bait me into a conversation that I can no longer participate in ... yet, I feel I should say something to keep the next 5 weeks amicable but my response wouldn't be pretty!

Crickets are in order but would like to respond:

Up yours, thank you for three great kids but that is the only thing that has come out of the last 25 years that you haven't completely destroyed!!

I have to keep detached in order to keep my sanity!! FTG ... Yes in deed!!

Undefinabl3 posted 4/23/2013 10:05 AM

My snarky ass would have said

"Never wanted our current status put aside, and if you wouldn't have been Sticking it to some other woman, we would could have had 25 more years after this"

BUT....I think that crickets would be the best at this point...even though you still have 5 weeks to go...

Opening this door/wound really isn't a good thing, you need to look forward, not be reminded of the life that he took from you.

[This message edited by Undefinabl3 at 10:06 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday)]

stillstrong posted 4/23/2013 10:14 AM

This is a tricky one. I give him points for acknowledging the day and your loyalty. I would answer with a simple thank you.

ETA: my ex sent a text on our anniversary too, but he wasn't as perceptive as your ex. That's why I give him credit. My ex explained later that he felt the need to reach out and acknowledge that the day was special, even though he had destroyed it.

[This message edited by stillstrong at 10:17 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday)]

GabyBaby posted 4/23/2013 10:58 AM

I disagree that you need to give him "credit".

Due to his actions, the anniversary means nothing.
I wouldnt acknowledge the text at all (and really?! a text message?! Way to put some effort into it....not).

dmari posted 4/23/2013 11:08 AM

I love your response but you are right, crickets would be the most appropriate anniversary gift. Be strong!

Nature_Girl posted 4/23/2013 11:13 AM

My response when I read that text? An outloud SCREW YOU!

fraeuken posted 4/23/2013 12:30 PM


ajsmom posted 4/23/2013 12:37 PM

Yep. Crickets for sure.

What a pompous ass.


Ann124 posted 4/23/2013 13:42 PM

StillStrong: I get where you are coming from and what you have to say. Initially I thought the same way and I guess that is why it took me two half years to realize that his A was/is a deal breaker for me. As I continually let myself be baited with messages like this from him while he continued to lie to me about the A.

I have chosen "crickets" as I am much more enjoying the responses from you all which is so helping me not to reply in any fashion! Beyond texting me the saddest part is that he sent it from the upstairs bedroom where he resides as I maintain the first/main floor of the house ...

Keep the posts coming, you all don't know how much you are helping me today ... and everyday!

Take2 posted 4/23/2013 17:02 PM

It gets so incredibly bizarre sometimes doesn't it? Texting from upstairs - what would Hallmark say...?

But then again, Hallmark doesn't have a "Fuck you, I want my 25 years back!" card, so to heck with Hallmark.

damncutekitty posted 4/23/2013 17:06 PM

Normally I'm all for dignified silence. But I feel that FUCK YOU is an acceptable response to that.

He wants you to make him feel better about himself. He's a schmuck and he knows it.

AussieMum posted 4/23/2013 18:36 PM

Oh I would find it sooo hard not to respond! But the best response really is crickets. Hope the next 5 weeks pass quickly for you!

popitdaddy posted 4/23/2013 19:17 PM

Crickets speaks incredible volumes. My STBXWW has been the one giving ME crickets when I tried to send sentimental/romantic texts and SHE had the affair!
Speaking from a guy's perspective, I'd say there's a part of him that still wants to salvage the M.
I wasn't the one who.cheated but I still had regrets my part in the marriage and I texted her a lot
Go crickets unless you want to save it!

Ann124 posted 4/23/2013 20:16 PM

Thank you Aussie ... I also hope the next five weeks move quickly as things around here, especially today have been tough/strange enough the way it is.

popitdaddy: I agree that it is hard not to allow feelings to get in the way but I am so detached after all this mess and STXWH has had two and a half years to open up instead of wanting me to hold the rug up for him to sweep it all away ...

Last years anniversary STBX asked me for a divorce as "he just didn't think this was going to work" and the very next day acted as if he never said that ... From that moment on I started getting my ducks in a row and this year his wish came true.

After dinner tonight STBX wanted to "hang out on the couch and watch a movie together" I responded:" this is not right and this is not going to happen"

I won't plan the game any longer. It is just not the A there are many things that have occurred that I couldn't sweep under the rug anymore and it's time to move on he is just having a hard time of it as when I signed the lease on my new place this past weekend I think every day is just a step in a new beginning for me and he is just realizing I am "sticking" to my guns.

So hard reality is setting in and it's too bad, too late and really not so sad for me just him.

Housefulloflove posted 4/24/2013 15:54 PM

I hope the next 5 weeks go quickly for you!

My 10th anniversary recently passed and I got an emailed "gift" as well. It was a short but stupid non-apologetic apology letter (he apologized that we weren't together but took absolutely no accountability for that).

It included how he wasn't a perfect husband but tried his best.

I made the mistake of responding to his nonsense and all I got back was that he meant he tried his best until "that time frame". That means until the time he acted like the emotionally dead cheater he is. He truly cannot even say or write the words "cheated", "affair" or anything else he did. Anything that makes him look bad and would make him feel bad (if he acknowledged it) doesn't sick. If *that* was his best I have NO desire to see any more of it.

You are absolutely right, it's so sad for him but GREAT for you! Good luck on your new beginning!

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 3:59 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

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