Huge life stressors with my kids, my academic studies (to perhaps eventually get a job that pays more than would qualify for Earned Income Credit! Why the fuck did I choose something that is so challenging? some days I wonder) and few coworkers who don't know *why* I have approved FMLA and quite jealous of my half days "off".
Add not healthy eating like usually do, not exercising like usual due to having to keep watch on someone fresh out of residential treatment, deal with a jealous sibling acting out because the other is getting all the attention, and study every day, including sunny weekends when not transporting one to and from aftercare. The weekends where people go get to do fun things, I'm studying and keeping watch and trying to keep the minimum standards of cleanliness and stick to the aftercare plan which includes a lot of planning and preparation EVERYDAY. There are things that I have no control over and that there is no one to help me with as there is in 2 parent families. X continues to criticize yet won't step up to assist during this stressful parenting time!
He's like the person who is supposed to help with a task, and makes excuses why he "can't" then criticizes how it's done even though he is not physically present to even witness how things are being done. (my revenge fantasies ran rampant again) Oh add an ongoing court battle over $ where it feels like atty is just dragging this on to bleed me dry and it will never ever end. Add a heavy dose of PMS. I felt like I was going to go insane.
The good news is it feels like it's lifting. So my public service announcement is that if you ever feel like you cannot go on one more minute, just hang in there. Use anything from your "toolbox" that you've learned, ask for advice, read self help, etc. You don't know how strong you can be until you have to be because it's your only choice. You can't or won't share details with people not because it's secret but because it's private. Just hang on, even if just a few minutes at a time, few hours at a time or one day at a time.