Oh Honey you certainly have been dealing with a lot on your own. So are you still together? Are you working on reconciling? What has he done to help you through this?
Please know that this is not about any short coming you may have, or percieve you may have. This is about him being quite broken. He has a clear pattern of bad behavior and bad choices. Not to say R isn't possible, but if you want to he has to fix himself first.
We welcome you, and want to assure you that whatever path you take you will be encouraged, and offered much good advice along the way.
((( and strength ))))
Next, look up in the left corner for a yellow box and click on The Healing Library. Please start reading. There's good information there for you by people who have walked this road that you're on.
Come back often. We're all here for you. Everything you are feeling is normal. If you wern't feeling disorientated, devistated, betrayed, and hyper-sensative, then there would really be something wrong. You've been hit by the infidelity bus and it's going to take some time before the world stays upright for you. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
You NEED to talk about the A regardless of how your husband is feeling. Guilt is a good thing, but it should help him understand what he did is very, very wrong....he should have had your back, instead he stabbed it repeatedly.
It sounds as though your husband has some serious issues that really need to be addressed before reconciliation is truly on the table. What will prevent him from going down this path again? Cheating has been a part of his life for many years, what's going to change now?
I am going to bump up two great articles in this Just Found Out forum for newbies, one called Tactical Primer, the other Before You Say Reconcile. Read them and re-read them. They will help you along in this process.
one of the things i realy struggle with at the moment is the fear that he is not telling me everything, or that there is a secret facebok page or similar i know my fear of this doesn't amount to proof, but i also know that any real reconsiliation is impossiale untill i can at least start to move past this fear. the idea of trusting him again andgetting hurt again is scary.
i feel a fool as well, my parents split due to infidelity and looking back over our relationship there were so many signs and so many tims i suspected, when he told me i was able to guess some of the times and people as the suspician had been there, but i belittled and got angry at myself assuming it was my damage.
There is a great book that was recommended here--helping your spouse survive your affair--that I made my WH read as part of the ground rules to stay. It has helped.
And please remember this: it is his failure, not yours. HE is broken, not you. You didn't cause this, can't control it, can't cure it.
Good luck. We in SI land are here day and night!
With your husbands history, it sounds like he has a BIG problem and it has nothing to do with you.