Today would have been my 25th wedding anniversary. Oh sure in the back of my mind I knew it was coming up, but up until last week I wasn't aware that it was almost here. I only realized this after I was making an appointment and was staring at the calender.
So, I got up this morning and again had forgotten what day it was/would have been. I went about my business until I was in the bank and writing out a deposit slip.
I thought I would be sad today. I'm not sad. I saw my x over the weekend, the reason why doesn't matter for the sake of this post. Looking at him I felt sorry for him. He looks unhealthy, unhappy and old. He still has his "I'm right and the universe is wrong" attitude. I don't miss that at all. I remember thinking I don't have to put up with all his nonsense anymore, his lies and his broken promises.
I am glad I'm not celebrating another anniversary with this person. The longer I am divorced from him, the more I realize how much better off I am without him in my life.
I am not trying to erase my marriage from this person all together. I have come to the realization that the man I married 25 years ago has been dead for quite a while. Sadly, I have to say he died long before the affair even took place. I don't know what happen to him. THAT is the man I miss, but since it's been so long since I've seen him, the pain has subsided and I've gone on with my life.
For all of you just entering NB and wonder if you will ever be able to look at a wedding anniversary day straight on and not care or even forget it, you're far better off and you WILL be just fine!