Thank you Jrazz
He had another IC session yesterday (he did two within a week). I never ask him anything about them, as I know that is his time to be working through his issues. But today, he came home and asked to talk. We ended up having another good talk about his FOO issue that he has discovered.
I asked him if he feels upset or glad that I now know. He said he is not sure how he feels about my knowing. Feel like that is a truthful answer at this point as it is all a fresh wound to him, as he did not even realize that this was a FOO issue to begin with. But he DID say that he is grateful that I AM here to talk to. That he will continue to talk to me as he does feel a little better when he does speak with me. So it is at least a good start to dealing with this.
Funny thing is...I feel different. No, not in a bad way, but in a good way. For the first time in a VERY long time, I'm not centered in my thoughts on the A, or the STD. I feel more like...me. Just being myself again. Not sure if that will make sense or not. But feels like a weight lifted, like I finally am at a point of acceptance and who knows....possibly forgiveness. I don't know, there are just so many stages and emotions going through this whole process. I am not yet acting on this as I need to see if it is just yet another phase or a result of the AD finally fully kicking in. Doc put me on the smallest dose of Celexa, 5mg a few weeks ago.
Ok, sorry for the ramble but I have yet to get my coffee.