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fWH truly looking at himself

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tryin2havefaith posted 4/23/2013 14:43 PM

Well, been having some really in depth talks with FWH as of late. He has really begun to open up. After knowing this man for the better part of 15 years, I have learned something I NEVER knew about him…..he has a deep rooted FOO issue.

At first, he thought he had discussed it with our MC when we were in session together at the beginning of all of this. He insisted he had. After some discussion, he finally realized that he had NOT told me. That it was in one of his individual sessions with the counselor. This opened up further dialogue between us. We ended up talking for almost 2 hours while just lying in each other’s arms. He didn’t know why he never told me this in all the years together. It was painful for him---I could see it in his eyes and in his face. He has held this back for so long. I don’t even think he realized how truly broken he was. I told him he was safe, and that this new info it wasn’t going to make me bolt. That we are going to do what we have been doing these 2 + years… with it together.

We fell asleep wrapped together, and although there was not much time this morning before running off to work….we squeezed in a little ‘romantic time’. Left each other with a promise for further after the DD goes to sleep tonight.

Jrazz posted 4/23/2013 14:53 PM

That's wonderful, tryin'!

Our R definitely moved to the next level when FWH started opening up about things he had kept inside his whole life.

I think that people who protect themselves by keeping everything inside tend to harbor a lot of resentment, and that's a huge burden to bear year after year.

Do your best to show him that he can trust you with this information - create a "safe" space to talk about it, and know his thresholds for questions and rehashing. When he realizes that his fears of judgement with you are unfounded, he should open up more and more and you will have an amazing level of communication.

tryin2havefaith posted 4/24/2013 08:41 AM

Thank you Jrazz

He had another IC session yesterday (he did two within a week). I never ask him anything about them, as I know that is his time to be working through his issues. But today, he came home and asked to talk. We ended up having another good talk about his FOO issue that he has discovered.

I asked him if he feels upset or glad that I now know. He said he is not sure how he feels about my knowing. Feel like that is a truthful answer at this point as it is all a fresh wound to him, as he did not even realize that this was a FOO issue to begin with. But he DID say that he is grateful that I AM here to talk to. That he will continue to talk to me as he does feel a little better when he does speak with me. So it is at least a good start to dealing with this.

Funny thing is...I feel different. No, not in a bad way, but in a good way. For the first time in a VERY long time, I'm not centered in my thoughts on the A, or the STD. I feel more Just being myself again. Not sure if that will make sense or not. But feels like a weight lifted, like I finally am at a point of acceptance and who knows....possibly forgiveness. I don't know, there are just so many stages and emotions going through this whole process. I am not yet acting on this as I need to see if it is just yet another phase or a result of the AD finally fully kicking in. Doc put me on the smallest dose of Celexa, 5mg a few weeks ago.

Ok, sorry for the ramble but I have yet to get my coffee.

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