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Strawda posted 4/23/2013 16:56 PM

BS went to one of my IC with me and it helpd. I eed more IC thou BS sed insted MC. Cuss me inside is messd uo bad. I have started telling the trueth to my BS ..jayona on IC.. qestiins of detaild facts of what ive done. An I come out an tell some without askd. It is soooo verry hard seying all ive done and hurting my BS. She wants to puke at times an gets verry angry and verble. But i can take her rage i made. Talking of who I was in the affair I was a tool and a hore basicly. No self Werth or self respect of my body. I cheated thru the cell and computer for manny years. An with almost every single one i showd my body :( is pritty pothettic i did. An i cheated phisicly twise and tryd a 3rd prepping with words. Ive spoke to my BS of thes and so manny other things. She fears of why i showd my body so mutch and slept with 2 almost a 3rd if i wasnt confrunted. BS fears manny dif ideas why i did. One is i am a sex adict. I do not see or think that i am that. I not up to anything for manny mounths now. She fears may be just cuss i fixated on healing and R. Other fear she thinks is my self werth and respectand was zero. I sound wers than manny waywerds at times talking of what i did. Anyone know how get all crap out in open and ideas why i was as i was. If you where as i was how didyu heal your self let lone the relationship? I feel like a slut in ways and a monky doing a frog. Doing whatever crossd my path. Ideas anyone? Ty for reading even if you dont relate.

Apple3point14 posted 4/23/2013 17:17 PM

I would volunteer everything. Make a written timeline. Leave nothing out. Explain why,when and where. It's tough but you need too. Be humble. Apologize over and over(if you are). You caused so much damage, it's no longer about you. Let her know that

Apple3point14 posted 4/23/2013 17:19 PM

It's also imparative for you to know why you did it. Really think about it. It took me a while to figure that out.

MissesJai posted 4/23/2013 17:19 PM

hey strawda. all the typos make your post very hard to read. Glad you're here, though.

Strawda posted 4/23/2013 19:39 PM

I did a timeline once with alot painfull info. I cryd an then down road i made it mean nothing. I left alot out. Even a 2nd OW and more. So i faild on that. I do need to get it out thou if i want it to work.

Apple3point14 posted 4/24/2013 08:32 AM

You need to understand the importance of full disclosure. What gives you the right to hold anything back you are showing her(and us) that you think it's stil about you. that you decide what she should know. Put on your big-boy pants and make this about your bs.

[This message edited by Apple3point14 at 11:58 AM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

Strawda posted 4/24/2013 13:59 PM

I am compleetly open and honest now. So honist the pain is over welming for BS and my self. I am sey alot. But how do i figger out how to sey every lil thing i did. I cant think of the qestuins or things to sey. Somtimes takes my BS to ask a question. An i want it all out so we can heal and R.

Apple3point14 posted 4/24/2013 14:17 PM

Did you ask her what she needs to feel safe? My wife wants the details and the why's . Did you ask. Now might be the time to do for her and not have any expectations or demand R. I can't stress enough(in my experience) to not try to put pressure on her or rush things. Just put her first. Someone on si once told me that you have to go above and beyond to make up for this. Just shaping up isn't good enough for now

Unagie posted 4/24/2013 14:59 PM

Type it out, write it out, buy a tape recorder and say it all out loud. Write a journal of everything you remember. Redo your timeline, make it into a word document that you both have access to and that you can edit as you remember things. Anything you add be sure to tell her about and be there if she needs to ask more questions about new details or just needs to process it.