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new_outlook posted 4/23/2013 20:52 PM

As we have all moved on from what was probably the most painful experience we have faced in life, do any of you look back and wonder if your WS regrets what happened and would like a "do over"?

Just wondering. It would be nice to know that they would acknowledge the damage they caused.

Survivor3512 posted 4/23/2013 21:21 PM

I would like to think my xh feels that way, but I doubt it. I'm working now on trying to stop figuring out what he's thinking/feeling. It really doesn't matter anymore. But, yeah- in a perfect world, he'd be miserable and full of regret/remorse and begging me to please, please, please give him another chance. And in a perfect world, I'd be indifferent to it!

Kajem posted 4/23/2013 21:30 PM

^^^^^ This!


On a side note: my dad left my mom for his EA. Married the EA and stayed married till she passed away from brain cancer. When my XH left, dad told me that one day he will wake up and look around and ask himself "How the hell did I get here?"

I think that was dad's way of saying I eff'd up. My dad is not one to admit he was wrong.... I took his statement as an "I did wrong" statement.

It's now like he did anything more than that. Nor would my Xs.

Hope this helps...

Hugs,

K

Sad in AZ posted 4/23/2013 21:42 PM

Don't even go there. Really, who gives a shit? Whether he's found his 'soulmate' or is wallowing in self-pity, it's not my problem anymore. I'm piloting this vessel to strange, new ports and enjoying one hell of a new ride.

You should too

hurtinky posted 4/24/2013 06:18 AM

Let it go.

It doesn't matter.

Think good thoughts about your life instead.

SouthernGal posted 4/24/2013 06:53 AM

I don't think about that at all because it is irrelevant to me what he feels, thinks, or wants. He is a part of my hostory that I no longer focus my energy on.

Bluebird26 posted 4/24/2013 07:01 AM

I seriously don't care what he thinks/wants etc.

However I would like a do-over

risingfromashes posted 4/24/2013 17:51 PM


"I seriously don't care what he thinks/wants etc."


Ditto!!!

[This message edited by risingfromashes at 5:53 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

permanentpain posted 4/24/2013 17:54 PM

I don't have to look back. What he does now tells he could give a flying crap about me or the kids. So looking back does nothing for me. I prefer to look forward to all the new things, experiences and people that I have yet to meet and create new memories.

nowiknow23 posted 4/24/2013 18:07 PM

Wasband having an epiphany about how much damage he's caused isn't even on my list of "wouldn't it be nice."

It was on that list for a while, and I think it's a normal part of the healing process to be wondering about it.

Now, however? It might be on my "don't give a shit" list, but I don't care enough to remember where I keep that list.

tesla posted 4/24/2013 18:30 PM

I gotta say, I've gotten to the point that I don't give a shit. My life is so happy and fulfilled whereas before he was the deadweight pulling me under.

kernel posted 4/24/2013 21:12 PM

Eh, I wonder occasionally. I actually think if he ever let himself acknowledge the real truth of everything he did, he would have a breakdown. Mostly, when I think of it, I just feel sad about the destruction, especially when my kids say something that reminds me how little they trust and respect him. Sad for them, not him.

[This message edited by kernel at 9:13 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

persevere posted 4/25/2013 02:34 AM

I'm finally starting (just starting) to reach the point where I simply don't care what XWH thinks or feels. But it takes time to get there, and I'm just now, two years out, starting to wade into the water...

SBB posted 4/25/2013 06:00 AM

I too don't give a flying duck what he thinks, does or wants.

I just hope to god he never bothers me with his 'do-over' cooties.

I think I would die laughing. I certainly would crack a rib or two.

I would however prefer him to be healthy for my girls. A part of being healthy would involve him realising what he has done/is doing to them. The most important part for me would not be him having the realisation but him stopping the toxic behaviour.

That would be awesome.

As far as what he did to me and my M? I'd rather just forget I was ever with him or that any of it happened. It is already becoming a faded bad memory.

veelop5 posted 4/25/2013 07:52 AM

I think depending on our situation is what determines how we feel...when and X just dissapears we are forced to go on and I think we don't give a shit quicker than the ones that are still around and we have to deal with...I still have to see my X alot because we have a 15 year old we share so sometimes if we have a laugh about something he did I do get a flow of memories and look at him and think if only he were different...Most times I can't stand him but I believe it would be different if he would of just dissapeared!

Sad in AZ posted 4/25/2013 08:17 AM

t/j: SG,

my hostory

Freudian slip?

I think it's HIS hostory...

I.will.survive posted 4/25/2013 10:10 AM

Yes, my ex definitely regrets what he did and would love a do-over.

He would love to not feel guilty that he's a cheater. Not feel embarrassed and ashamed at the whore he chose during that time period.

Anything that would take away HIS problems he would be all for it.

As for a do over with me? Hell no he doesn't want that...his was an exit affair, the coward.

[This message edited by I.will.survive at 10:11 AM, April 25th (Thursday)]

ISPIFFD posted 4/25/2013 14:40 PM

I don't think mine does, because that would mean he'd have to finally own his shit. He's still too busy blaming me for insisting on a divorce and reminding me periodically how incredibly depressed he is because I won't change my mind and take him back...

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