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Resampling an ex boyfriend

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twiceburned posted 4/23/2013 21:54 PM

I am usually forward thinking. This week marks new home, end of the house I raised family....I may be a little fragile.....

Why do I find myself resorting to texts and dates from a man I clearly know is not the one.....?

I must be the only one who goes back for seconds, knowing it won't work.

Tell me what you do to avoid this......

Survivor3512 posted 4/23/2013 22:04 PM

I'm not dating yet. I'm not ready. Maybe you're not either if you know you're making unhealthy choices for yourself? It's never a bad idea to take a time out from trying to find someone to find yourself. You've got a lot going on at the moment. Put your focus on healing and bettering yourself. New beginnings can mean lots of different things- not just dating or new relationships. Take baby steps. You'll eventually get there. :)

I.will.survive posted 4/24/2013 05:42 AM

Ohhh,don't go back for seconds if you know he isn't the one!!

You are just looking for validation that you're still attractive and desirable,in my opinion.

You don't need to lower your standards to feel that way. Drop that one and work on finding something else to do in your free time.

Being "good enough" to date or have FWB is NOT the same as being cherished. Go for the gold, it feels much,much better.

phmh posted 4/24/2013 06:38 AM

You may enjoy (or benefit from) the book "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken"

From listening to my friends talk, you're not the only one who goes back for seconds, knowing it won't work. I'm sure there's something psychological going on -- it feels comfortable, etc.

But if you're with the wrong guy (assuming you aren't a cheater and have morals) you won't be open when the right guy does come along.

EvenKeel posted 4/24/2013 09:43 AM

I do back to old boyfriends.

I always tell my GF that is it to keep my number down of ppl I slept with....since you don't have to count that same person twice.

There are lots of reasons - personal validation, nostalgia of a time that past, etc.

Regardless - I know it is not a sensible thing to go and try to avoid it.

I guess I am no help - just wanted to let you know you are not alone in the club.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 9:44 AM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

LeftBehind08 posted 4/24/2013 10:50 AM

I have done this 3x.

'Resampling' allowed me to fully move them into friend zone. I no longer do the "what if" , it is the oh, this is why we won't work and I get it now. Plus, I felt in control of the sitch. I got to say, yes/no, when/where.

I am good friends with 2 of the three of them. I can text them with the - Got a question or hey, I am starving, let's go do HH.

Honestly, I didn't avoid it. I just make it crystal clear in my head that this is just going out as a friend.

damncutekitty posted 4/24/2013 11:45 AM

I dated someone about a year after my D. It lasted 6 weeks and then he got back together with an ex. Years later I ran into him at a convention and he'd just divorced (from the chick we broke up over, LOL). I started hanging out with him a bunch. I know I wondered if maybe it was fate. But it wasn't. Turns out some people are life lessons that you have to learn twice before it sinks in.

Kajem posted 4/24/2013 12:07 PM

When XSO ended it.. and as people found out. I had a bunch of texts, PM's, emails..

I literally sat on my hands, till I could delete them.

I was determined to NOT go backwards. I had worked to damn hard to come as far as I did.

STill a long way to go... but I am on my way.



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