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How do you tell them?

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hatetheworld posted 4/24/2013 06:20 AM

OK, first let me start by telling you that my WS cheated on me a month after I moved 12 hours out of state to get a job so we didn't have to go without a paycheck. The only family I have here is his mom (who is moving back to FL in a month) and my stepmom and dad who I don't consider close family. WS and I are also supposed to move back to FL with our 3 kids when his mom moves back. We can't leave until my son finishes kindergarten on may 31. FL is where all of our family is, BTW.

I have decided that d is what I want. I've been absolutely miserable! I have found out that my WH has been facebooking his OW lately. At first it was just to ask about OC who is now a month old. He has been offering to send her money, clothes and toys when we can't even afford to feed our kids right now since he isn't working. The other night, when I went to work, I logged onto his fb and noticed he was messaging her. The texts were necessarily Flirty but friendly than normal. I noticed he said something like "I will let you go so you can enjoy your pizza" so I looked back through the messages and her fb status and nothing mentioned her and pizza. I now believe he has been calling her from the house phone as soon as I leave to go to work! >=( He has also been a complete jackass and SUPER controlling! I have to bring home my time out paper from work to prove I was at work, even though he accuses me of sleeping with my coworkers, including the females, while on the clock!

Anyways, my question is, how do I tell him I want a d? Do I wait until we move back to FL? Do I go ahead and tell him now and live with him until we move? I have nowhere to go up here but I do already have a house and job in FL. Do I wait until right before we leave?

Also, I forgot to mention that the messages that were getting "friendly"

hatetheworld posted 4/24/2013 06:24 AM

Sorry, I hit submit and can't edit the post on my phone...

The messages that were getting "friendly" the other night, he deleted before I got home! >=(

He has been telling me lately that he's "losing interest in me," "will go find someone who can meet his needs," and calling me names a lot. He also told my sister about the affair and OC, which we agreed not to tell anyone, and my sister told me that he almost seemed proud about it and acted like he was "trying to get me to leave him."

I guess he may take the news better than Im expecting, I just don't know when and how to do it

gma56 posted 4/24/2013 10:30 AM

You have a month left to move back home? I would be 180ing him.The 180 is for you to get clarity.

Also this is the time to line up your ducks. Do you have a job when you move ?If not, start sending resumes. Get your papers lined up and put in a safe place. Even if you have to send a box to yourself using a friend or relative's address. Taxes, birth records, loan papers, and whatever.
I would wait to file not necessarily separate until the idiot has a job.

The idiot is flying every red flag that he's back in a relationship with OW or ready to with someone else.

He's already gone so prepare yourself. Get a checking acct in your name only and deposit YOUR check. Don't expect anything different in divorce from him than what he has done in the marriage.
I would be one cold bitch to him. No way would I give him my time papers to prove I was working. No fucking way but that's just me.

[This message edited by gma56 at 10:33 AM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

tesla posted 4/24/2013 16:38 PM

Like gma said, get all your ducks in a row. I'd get a consult from a lawyer in the state that you are at right now. Do you have a job lined up back in FL? If not, I'd make sure you had a job. If I've read other posters correctly on this forum, FL pretty much splits custody 50-50 (I don't know that for sure...just the impression I've gotten from FL posters). You may want to take that into consideration. Make sure you are doing what is in YOUR (and your children's) best interest.

hatetheworld posted 4/26/2013 06:18 AM

Yes, I have a month before we move back. I have started to pack things in "my" boxes and "his" boxes. I've also organized all the important papers in a plastic box. I do have a job already and I have a house lined up which is my Aunt's, so if I have to wait until we are back in FL to kick him out, he will have to leave, not me.

I don't mind the 50/50 custody because, other than treating me like shit, he is good with the kids. I don't have any concern, as of now, about them spending 50% of their time with him. I'm just concerned about the adjustment with my autistic kiddos. They should adjust eventually though, I guess

I just don't understand... how can a man continue to talk to his wife like complete shit, accuse her of cheating when she's never given him a reason to suspect anything, degrade and insult her and continue to rub salt in her wounds by repeatedly joking about the affair and OC/ OW like its no big deal after all the chances I've given him??!! I have taken him back after 4 affairs, an OC, the shit talking, the huge financial debt! Ugh, just a confirmation of why R is just not going to work...

His latest thing is trying to be loving and sweet and hug all over me and in 2 sec flat, when I don't "hug him right" or whatever, flips out on me and calls me a "dick" and says he "doesn't want any affection from me anyways and he doesn't know why he's even with me anymore..."

hatetheworld posted 4/26/2013 06:18 AM

^^^sorry, I just needed to vent^^^

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