Late last night, DS woke me up in a panic telling me to call 911. He had turned off his bedroom light and saw someone outside, looking in his bedroom window.
Within 4 minutes, we had 5 sheriff's vehicles on the property, searching every inch of the property. They were very reassuring and thorough, and yet quiet enough that DD slept through the entire event. Based on my son's description of the guy, they are fairly confident they know who it is.
After they left, I was unable to sleep. Instead, I spent the night stewing on our safety, the house, the potential for moving again, and how vulnerable and exposed I felt.
This house is, in many ways, ideal for us. But I can't count on my DS being around for much longer. He's planning to sign a lease with two friends this summer. And DD will be heading to a residential program next month, where she will live for anywhere from 3 to 12 months while getting intensive therapy for her Tourette's, PDD, OCD, and anxiety. So in no time, I will be here alone. My lease runs out in August, although I've already given them my intent to re-sign for another year. But now I'm having second thoughts about being here alone, in the country.
I had a false sense of security when I was married. Even when wasband was out of town, I didn't worry about my safety or my kids' nearly as much. It was like we were in a bubble where nothing could touch us. I guess I'm feeling my true vulnerability these days, where I was able to ignore it back then.
Blergh. No real point to this other than to chase some of the spinning thoughts out of my head and onto paper, so to speak.
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
I wonder if something could be done to the house, would that help you feel more secure? Adding a security system? motion activated lights?
If these were added, would you feel more secure or would you still be waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Sometimes it isn't about make the place we are in safer, sometimes it's about moving to a place that is completely different.
I have one rule about being a woman alone. I always have to be upstairs.
With a lockable bedroom door.
Or share a house with others.
It sucks, but we have to consider these things.
You need to pay attention to your gut on this one.
I could never consider country life without getting a big protective dog.
Maybe even a big dog if you don't have one already? Even some self defence classes for yourself just in case, hopefully you will never need it though.
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
I refuse to live my life in fear. I guess it's because I was mugged around the corner from my house--the theives ran right across my front lawn when they got away. For MONTHS I was petrified to enter the house alone. The X worked nights as a bartender at the time and was out until 5:30am. I would sit in my car for up to several hours trying to work up the nerve to run and open the front door. I finally had him cut down the two large yews that grew on either side of the front door so that no one could hide in them. I had to make a decision to live in fear or conquer it, so I chose to conquer. I guess I've also developed a fatalistic attitude--if it's going to happen, it will.
There's nothing wrong with being vigilant and aware, but you shouldn't be in fear.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Also, if you can, I would consider getting a dog. My dog is my first alert if there is someone outside. When he hears something unusual he will start barking. When he isn't home I feel very nervous because I don't have that warning.
I also sleep with a stun gun next to my bed.
There are some concerns about this location, and I'm sorting through those to arrive at a decision about whether I stay here or move.
But no matter where I live, I realize I also need to work on the vulnerability/false security stuff within me as well. I think it's part of my new beginning to do that work and process all the gunk so I can trust my ability to take care of myself and my kids. That needs to happen whether I live in this house or Fort Knox.
Does that even make sense? Or should I amp up the caffeine?
I did ramp up some things (added garage doors, dead bolts, etc)
One recommendation they gave me was to install a hunter's cam. Said you can get ones that are motion-sensored (only records when something is moving outside my house), it records in the dark....plus I would have evidence.
I am not sure the cost but they told me Wal-Mart had them at the time.
Just a thought since you are pretty sure you know who you are dealing with....this would give proof.
How scary! I would definitely get a security system if I were going to stay there. Good luck!!
Just to clarify - I don't know who we're dealing with. The sheriff's deputy said they have a good idea of who it could be. But my son did not recognize the guy, and his description doesn't match anyone we know.
Still - the hunting camera is a good idea. I'll look into that.
I also want to say that living in the country is a bit more reassuring for me. There have been quite a few more break-ins, robberies and even violent home invasions by strangers in a nearby city. It doesn't matter where you live, sadly.
That is scary. I'm glad you and your children are ok.
If your landlord is ever amenable to dogs, I have two lovably obnoxious pugs that go ballistic if any doorknob is rattled at any time of day. I would be happy to drive across the country to loan them to you.
Hugs and pepperspray.
Just to clarify - I don't know who we're dealing with. The sheriff's deputy said they have a good idea of who it could be.
Oops - sorry. I misread it the first time.
IDK if it is scarier knowing the person or not knowing.
I have a baseball bat by my bed now. Now sure how accurate I would be in the middle of the night but I am counting on the aderaline rush
I worked with someone who had a peeping Tom. She walked out and actually confronted him one night in a "WTF are you doing????" sorta way. She said he hesitated a moment and actually said...
(are you ready?)
"Ummmm - I noticed you were pregnant and I was wondering if I could suck some milk out of your breast?"
She said "NOOO you effin idiot....the milk doesn't come in until AFTER that baby is born! Now go away!"
And he did and she never seen him again. How weird is that???
My sister just reminded me of a time when we were kids and my dad was out of town. The bedroom I shared with my 5 sisters was garden level - windows just a few inches above the ground. My oldest sister saw someone laying on the ground outside our bedroom window, and ran to tell mom.
Mom, resplendent in her flannel pjs, pink fuzzy robe, and curlers, grabbed a butcher's knife and ran outside with my brothers on her heels. When she got to the window where the peeping tom was, she stopped short and thought, "What the hell am I doing? This guy could be dangerous!!" Apparently the sight of her charging at him with a big knife, a crazed look in her eyes, and two teenaged boys right behind her put the fear of God in the peeper, and he took off running.
We all camped out in the living room that night watching movies.
My bro just moved out and I've been forced to think about my safety too. I was never worried about it...until ex-shat broke in last fall. I installed some security measures but nothing heavy duty since my brother was here.
Now...I'm thinking I need to do something more. For me, it's frustrating having to think about it.
I'm so glad that your DD didn't wake up. And thank goodness your son was able to give a good description.
I also sleep with my cell phone on the headboard of my bed. It gives me a feeling of security.