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Am I getting over it Too quickly?

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heartbroken2012 posted 4/24/2013 10:17 AM

So Im 5 months out since I was told...and i dont think about it as often as I did. I do get depressed occasionally, and i do think about the A in the car and shower...but not all the time anymore. I do think about it during sex, and other times, but I am not in an anger stage....and I dont cry....or VERY rarely...

So Im beginning to fear that maybe I am getting over the A too quickly? Maybe i am rugsweeping?

I dont bring the A up...he doesnt. We HAVE talked about it...and my WH is doing everything that I need him too.

Shouldnt I be angry or hurt more?

NOW i DO get upset when I see the OW.

idiot85 posted 4/24/2013 10:23 AM

I tend to get over- OK maybe not "get over" but I do keep moving forward quickly. I don't rugsweep- as soon as something pops into my head I talk and get any answers I need whether it's from my wife, friends or SI.

I just look at it like this- I've chosen to stay, I don;t want to leave my wife so when I'm OK I'm OK and when I'm not OK- that's OK. My wife is seriously coming on leaps and bounds and that makes me feel so much better.

I don't think I've helped here really but I have the exact same worry and the above is how I justify it.

SisterMilkshake posted 4/24/2013 10:27 AM

I thought that at one point, too, heartbroken2012.

My FWH was amazed at me and my "progress" in healing. He was pretty happy, too. 5 months and things were pretty much back to "normal". Little did he know what was in store!

Right around 5 months the shock and denial started wearing off and it was really sinking in, the depth and width of the betrayal and the long lasting consequences.

Just around 5 months I started getting angry. Just around 6 months I was past angry and I was in a rage. It was a rage like I have never had ever before.

It was scary to behold! So, buckle up and hold on, you may be in for a bumpy ride.

P.S. I didn't find SI until 8 months after d-day, so FWH was in for another shock!

Beemer posted 4/24/2013 11:02 AM

I agree with Sister...

I was about 6 months post-DDay and I couldn't believe how much better I was doing - I was WAY ahead of the 2-5 year timeline they talk about... I must be exceptional or something!

Then the roller-coaster dipped and the shit hit the fan...

Bikingguy posted 4/24/2013 11:07 AM

I am only just past month 3 and worry the same thing. The A still angers me a bit but not at all like it did. Just feeling kind of blah.

This should be effecting me more! My concern is that I am detaching. But I don't know. We are still talking about it, but last night I was not in a great place but at the same time I just wanted a night to watch stupid TV and not stay up late talking about it.

I do start IC soon and will certainly ask why I don't feel more right now.

Sorry no help other than to say you are not alone.

Knowing posted 4/24/2013 11:09 AM

I agree, there was a calm before the storm while the shock was wearing off, somewhere between 5 and 6 months. I am in the anger stage now at 7 months that the shock has worn off.

I had no idea I was in shock. Every morning last week I felt like punching my fWH in the head immediately upon waking. Talk about anger!

Get your butt in IC if it isn't already, if you're anything like most of us you'll need all the support you can get.

IGaveItMyAll posted 4/24/2013 11:12 AM

As the others said I was the same way at 5 months. I kept looking at the healing timelines saying to myself I will be healed WAY before 2 years. 6 months was the worst month!!! HB ended, my anger and rage picked up. I was so mad that she could throw away everything, give her body to someone else, tell him she loved him. I still get angry but my WW and I have learned ALOT about communication and boundaries. So yep buckle up. I hope you are better than me but I just remember at 5 I was feeling the same way then 6 months hit.

UndecidedinMA posted 4/24/2013 11:19 AM

ITA with Sister.

I was so ready to get over it, I think I pushed too fast too soon. It was about 7 months when I kinda came up for air & realized that it was real. I finally knew my FWSO had done what he did - he really had.

bizzygirl posted 4/24/2013 11:29 AM

I have the same concern as you. I am almost 9mos out from D-Day and have been moving along very quickly.I sometimes wonder if I or my FWH are rugsweeping or avoidig. My FWH does everything I need him to do and answers every question I have so it has been much easier to cope with.
In general I am a very resilient person and have pretty good stress management so that has helped alot. We attended MC for about 7 mos weekly and then once a month for the past 2. We talk to each other about the progress of the R and that seems to be enough for me.
I think that everyone has their own timeline of when they begin to feel normal or at least functional.
If you do not feel as if you are in shock or that your a missing things, I think that you are just fine. I would just keep an eye out for the common warning signs that there is trouble ahead and make sure you deal with those issues head on.

SisterMilkshake posted 4/24/2013 11:51 AM

If you do not feel as if you are in shock
Funny thing about shock. Most don't realize they are in shock, thats part of the condition.

I have read of people here never reaching the anger/rage stage. I feel it is more uncommon, but it is possible.

I have been reading here for almost 3 years now. Many say the 2nd year is harder than the first. That was true for me, but in a different way than year 1. I agree with everyone heals differently and on their own timeline. However, in general, there does seem to be a pattern for most on the healing journey from infidelity.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:51 AM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

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