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Newest Member: new2this2 (45757)

User Topic: to send or not to send???
FlySomeday
♀ 35150
Member # 35150
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You consistently make reference to co-parenting. Please do not sing your intentions of co-parenting with me via email. It is parallel parenting at best. Co-parenting is reserved for those who have respect for their STBX spouses, refrain from malicious efforts of destruction, and can show common courtesy. You embody none of the above. In regards to your pleas for me to ‘get over it’, I’d like to understand what you mean by “it”. If you are referring to the lying and deceit involved in the adulterous affair you had with XXXX, then I can assure you, I am indeed, “over it”. If you are referring to the lies and deceit which surround the finances of our separation and lives, the false accusations you made about my intentions as a parent, stability, and mental capacities, the continued attempts of sabotage (i.e. entering my private email and deleting the entire account), your insistence on having a circus trial when mediation was offered to you several times, then I can honestly respond, “I’m working on it”. Why you chose to file for custody, go to trial, and make the preposterous claims as you did is beyond me. That one short sighted decision on your part has impacted our children’s lives, mine aside, in an enormous way not only financially but emotionally as well. If you didn’t realize it then, I hope you do now. Moving forward , I certainly will continue to work to minimize the impact of our divorce on our children’s lives. I will certainly be more definitive in the future regarding planning concerns and give you as much notice as possible. However, last minute things do come up in life. How you coordinate your transportation , commuting, accommodations, and leave with XXXXX is your challenge, not a concern of mine. I hope that you will be able to balance opportunities that present themselves with your transportation/leave issues for the children’s sake.
Futhermore, I certainly understand if you can’t help with last minute changes to Dr. appointments because of work commitments or carpool commitments but thought it couldn’t hurt to ask. When I rescheduled DD and DS's appointment I did so without knowing that it would be an early dismissal day and therefore conflict with you picking the kids up.

Finally, you and I both made the mistake of underestimating my strength and perseverance. I will promise to you; I will never make that mistake again.
--Fly


Digging Deep in the Mud

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Virginia
ChoosingHope
♀ 33606
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you are referring to the lies and deceit which surround the finances of our separation and lives, the false accusations you made about my intentions as a parent, stability, and mental capacities, the continued attempts of sabotage (i.e. entering my private email and deleting the entire account), your insistence on having a circus trial when mediation was offered to you several times, then I can honestly respond, “I’m working on it”. Why you chose to file for custody, go to trial, and make the preposterous claims as you did is beyond me. That one short sighted decision on your part has impacted our children’s lives, mine aside, in an enormous way not only financially but emotionally as well.

Fly, good job summing up so much in so few words.

Finally, you and I both made the mistake of underestimating my strength and perseverance. I will promise to you; I will never make that mistake again.

Bravo, Fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Posts: 1736 | Registered: Oct 2011
tabitha95
♀ 22033
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't send. It will fall on deaf ears.

Use it more as a journaling exercise.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
ChoosingHope
♀ 33606
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fly, I meant to add that I LOVE it, it's your truth (and mine too). But I wouldn't send it. Especially right now.

-Hope


Posts: 1736 | Registered: Oct 2011
Ann124
♀ 29289
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great email, concise and very to the point. I can understand how you would want to send it but I agree that it would "fall on deaf ears."

Best just to vent and document...


Posts: 387 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
FlySomeday
♀ 35150
Member # 35150
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

humpf... I knew you all would say 'don't send' just was hoping for something different. Just want him to know, I'm over his dumb ass but the other stuff....


Digging Deep in the Mud

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Virginia
phmh
♀ 34146
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actions speak louder than words.

By sending him this, even if you SAY you don't care, you are showing him that you do care. Because if you didn't care, you wouldn't send it.

Live your life. The best revenge is a life well-lived. Do it for yourself. Let him truly become an afterthought.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3488 | Registered: Dec 2011
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with the others - especially what phmh said.

Don't send.

What helps me (most of the time) is visualising ego kibbles to him for any contact. Don't do it. a) it won't get through his thick skull; and b) it makes him seem important. He is irrelevant, continue to treat him as such.

Now that's out of the way.....what a kick arse letter!! Bravo!!


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5660 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
ruinedandbroken
♀ 29250
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a great letter, but I think it's probably best not to send it. It will make him feel self important.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 9

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